Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

One word: A-freakin'-mazing. Before I bought these, I was suffering from Builtinspeakeritis. I couldn't tell left from right, high from low. It affected every aspect of my life. Music seemed dull and lifeless. I watched an episode of Tiger King and found it pedestrian. My life was so incomplete that, when I went out, people looked at me like I was a nobody... if they looked at me at all. This set of speakers changed everything. Sure, the sound is tinny, and they don't get much louder than a mouse fart. But now when I'm watching COPS, I can tell whether the perp is being chased from off-screen left or off-screen right. I find myself thumping along in the tub to Chumbawamba. And Zoom meetings for work? Well, let's just say that these days I hear the voice of Renee from Accounting in my dreams. Owning these speakers has totally changed how people respond to me, too. Ladies smile at me at the grocery store now. I mean, I can't actually see them smiling, since they're wearing masks to avoid COVID-19, but I can just tell that this time the checkout girl isn't going to report me to the manager. Before buying these, I had tried everything: $100/hour online counseling with a surprisingly attractive Eastern European therapist; blue pills from a registered pharmacy in Uruguay; even subzero naked yoga (don't ask). It turns out, I could have spared my wallet (and my genitals) the pain. All I needed was this inexpensive pair of speakers—with its blindingly bright blue LED and its complete absence of bass—to get me back in the game. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find out more about that hottie Carole Baskin on Tiger King.