Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

If you are reading this review, chances are you are in the depths of a parasitic blood-sucking nightmare which is bed bugs. There is not one magical thing you can do to stop these invaders from crawling inside your pajamas. Upon determination of the insect invasion (first bites, then observing what you think is an ant crawling towards your face on your pillow at 2am, then finger-smashing that bug which coats your thumb and pointer with a shocking amount of blood, then a google image search of “bed bug” with an image that exactly matches the bug carcass on your tissue, then a panic attack, unstoppable itching, and insomnia), there are a few things I suggest you do. 1. Get a spray that kills the bugs and the eggs, dismantle your bed and/or box spring, and go (wait you should first vacuum every crevice of every mattress, dresser, desk, chair, sofa or upholstered item in your house before you spray). I used this spray because I didn’t want my kids/pets breathing toxic insecticide. It did not appear to kill bugs on contact but even with the toxic sprays you still have to do more and in the end it worked. The scent is intensely cedar-y so I recommend not spraying it in your room at night right before you try to get some sleep in your contaminated bed. 2. Put every mattress and pillow in a bed-bug-proof zip up cover. 3. When the bug spray is dry and you have laundered every item of clothing in every closet and dresser of your home in hot water and dried for one hour on high heat, put a coating of diatomaceous earth everywhere. My house looked like my 5th grade teacher had banged two dirty chalkboard erasers together for hours. Like a 200 pound bag of cocaine exploded in my air ducts. 4. Put the beds and furniture on the bed bug traps with the best reviews. 5. Repeat steps 1 and 3 within a week. Just using the spray once will not bring the enemy down. You’ve got to fight. Remember, if you disturb their nest these suckers will just relocate to your kid’s bed. You might think you’ve won until one member of your household wakes up with a patch of 3 itchy bites. Mosquitos? No. A few hours in you’ll realize it’s impossible to manage this yourself but now that we’re all working from home there’s plenty of time to vacuum, spray and launder. One plus of COVID-19. On the second day of this ordeal you’ll want to burn your house down. You’ll wonder why you have stored so many blankets, sheets, towels and old Halloween costumes. Your small 4 bedroom house will finally feel gigantic. You’ll vow to never thrift shop, travel, sleep in a hotel or have overnight guests again. But hey you saved like a thousand dollars by DIY and not calling the exterminator! Only rich people pay for that. I can use that negative tone towards rich people because they aren’t tirelessly reading amazon reviews of bed bug products like we are. That’s one thing about bed bugs is they don’t care if you’ve got money or what you look like. They are equal opportunity jerks.