Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

If you love Mario and Monopoly, stop what you're doing and buy this. If you don't have the money for it, stop what you're doing, go get a job, get paid, and buy this. If you are unable (or unwilling) to work, stop what you're doing, remove one of your kidneys, place it in a cooler with plenty of ice, take it behind Stuckey's at 3am on a Tuesday, sell it to Santiago for the going rate, and buy this. If you do not have a healthy kidney to spare, stop what you're doing, claim an uninhabited island in the South Pacific, found a capital city, form a government, repress your citizens, spend all tax profits on crap you don't need from SkyMall, apply for federal aid from the United States due to extreme poverty (while failing to mention that the hardship is your doing), and buy this. If you are unable (or unwilling) to locate an uninhabited island in the South Pacific, stop what you're doing, find Christopher Lloyd, force him to disclose the secrets of the Flux Capacitor, buy a DeLorean, create a working time machine, get the DeLorean up to 88mph, travel back to 1994, usurp Jeff Bezos as the founder of Amazon, form the company as it exists today, give yourself an Amazon gift card, and buy this. If you are unable to find Christopher Lloyd or if you do not like Mario and Monopoly, then may God have mercy on your soul.