Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I really can’t believe people actually spent their time writing useless reviews on this item. Is it jealousy that you can’t afford this jewel of a timepiece that drives you to waste your time and everyone else’s? Please be considerate. And yes, I did buy this timepiece. Unlike everyone here, I can afford it. Anyway, when I bought this item I thought the price was 38 dollars and 495 cents. It wasn’t until I realized my bank account was empty and the guys came to repossess my car and my Hair Club For Men hair system (PLEASE don’t call it a ‘toupee’ – GOSH) that I realized that this timepiece actually cost over $38,000. So buyers beware. I think Amazon should be a little more clear on the “THOUSAND” part. But anyway, no big deal. I decided to keep it. This timepiece (PLEASE don’t call it a ‘watch’ - GOSH) is unbearably exquisite. It is so jarringly splendid and exquisitely superb that I curl up in the fetal position and weep in agonizing ecstasy every time I gaze upon it for too long. I fainted the first time I saw it. I opened the cardboard box it came in, removed the sheet that said “MAID IN CHINA”, and upon seeing it, I stopped breathing, went into convulsions and spoke in tongues right before fainting. That’s how exponentially magnificent it is. I have to cover it up with duct tape when I’m driving so as not to accidently gaze upon its titillating angelic perfectness . It looks really good. At first, I didn’t know how to read the time on it because there are a lot of numbers on the dial and I didn’t know which ones to use. So for instance, if you look at the picture it above, the time says 77:33. So that’s the way I tell time now. When people ask me for the time I tell them: “My Yacht-Master II says it’s 88:11. Can you deal with it?”. And I just walk away. It’s not my fault they don’t understand how time is crafted in my Yacht-Master II. Thanks to my Yacht-Master II, time is just… different for me now. I exist in a much more expansive and rich Time Dimension. When my boss fired me for missing a critically important meeting, I told her: “No. I didn’t miss that meeting. I was there at 66:1010. It’s not my fault you don’t understand how time actually works.” And I turned my back on her and walked away. Let her deal with it. (Btw, I'm desperately looking for a new job - please call me anytime bet. 99:22 and 11:88 FM.)