Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

When I saw this for this reasonable price, I knew I had to have it. So I ordered it right then, before even reading the reviews. Yeah I can be impulsive like that. While I was waiting for the machine to arrive, I started reading reviews just to entertain myself, and that's when I started to get apprehensive about what I was going to get. After using this for a couple weeks, and even disassembling it, I can now safely say that most of the negative comments I read were wrong, except for _one_ type of complaint I read, and that just has to do with the way (most) motors work. I'll address that one (legitimate) complaint far below. But this thing outperformed my expectations by FAR. The machine arrived and there was no real assembly required. Just the power cord needed to be plugged in and it's obvious where everything needs to go. There's a power supply like for a laptop but half the size. One end goes to the wall receptacle (of course) and the other cord gets plugged in to the dial/rheostat control you hold in your hand. From there, it's a coiled telephone handset-type cord that goes to the machine itself. Now before I go any further I should mention that I'm a guy. I'll let you connect the dots there. There are two pivot points on the machine, not just one like the photo would imply. So you can set it for any angle you desire, at just about any height too. There are knobs you can tighten to secure things in place, but I found it more convenient to just leave everything loose. I learned that the hard way. Day 1 This first day test was kind of awkward. Part of it was because I was scared of the machine, because it wasn't a toy like I was picturing from the price. But most of the problem was I was trying to hold myself in a particular position rather than just letting the machine follow me like I could have if I had left the knobs loose. I just had it sitting on the bed on a fuzzy-type blanket and the suction cups provided plenty of support that way, even without being stuck to anything. I got into position and turned the dial up just a tad. Some movement, then it stopped due to being bogged down. I was expecting that, based on other reviews. (And keep in mind the way I was using it results in quite a bit more friction than most of you reading this are using it for.) I turned up the dial some more. WHOA boy, this thing is not fooling around! I was now at an odd angle and after feeling the sheer power of this thing, and probably yelping like a dog a few times, I decided I had had enough for one day. Day 2 I was determined to conquer this monster. This time I had some liquid courage, and spent some time beforehand studying the pivots, business end, and everything else, and I was satisfied that I wouldn't injure myself no matter what angle I was at.... as long as it was inserted first. And as long as the pivot knobs were left loose. So this time I was lying down where _I_ was comfortable, not where I thought the machine wanted me, and started cranking it up. WAY better this time; it was really an amazing experience. I think I got up to only 1/4 power this time. There's no way any human goes even that fast at 1/4 power. So through most of the setting range, this is nothing like you've experienced. Ever. Day 3... As I gained confidence in the machine (and myself) I cranked the dial higher and higher. I wasn't afraid of it in the least anymore. I went up to full 100% power, and at that level the rod is moving so fast it's unbelievable. At 100% it's almost a surreal feeling, everything just goes to jello and you feel like you're just going to lose everything but you don't. I have never felt anything like that in my life, and I've been around the block a few times. So... based on the fact that this machine gave me an experience I've never had as a middle-aged person, based on that ALONE it's 5 stars. I hope you guys (errr I mean gals) don't mind me posting my experience as written above. If you're more interested in the dry details, then here they are: The #1 thing that struck me when I took it out of the box was its "nuts n' bolts" nature. It looks carefully hand-made, with parts you can find just about anywhere. The hinges for the suction cups are euro-style hinges like you'd have in your kitchen. The guide mechanism inside is a roller for a file cabinet drawer. The handset cord. The mounts. Everything is nice and friendly to a person with a screwdriver, unlike some of this Chinese crap that once it breaks, you're done. With this one, I'm confident I could repair anything on this if need be. And furthermore it's easy to customize! You want to build a different mount, just get a piece of wood and 4 screws, done. This approach could be especially handy for male stroker devices, by the way, but I see they sell ones made for that purpose for 2.5x as much cash. The only thing not _easily_ user-serviceable is the motor compartment. That's held together with 4 rivets so you'd have to drill them out. I didn't drill mine out, but I did disassemble the rest just to prove a point which I'll get to in a sec. Inside photos below. Along the way I'm going to respond to other reviewer's complaints. So the first one is: Another reviewer said that the suction cups are useless on carpet and manufacturer should supply something else for carpet. As I said above, the suction cups work perfectly fine on my bed with just a cheap $5 fuzzy quilted blanket. If you have a slippery comforter then turn it down first or put an afgan across the bed. I haven't tried it on the carpet but they should work OK there too. If not, go to Wally World and get yourself _anything_ that digs into carpet with some teeth. You can mount _anything_ to those euro hinges without even drilling, because there's a notch for any similar size of bolt/shaft. If you want to get really REALLY aggressive with the machine, and _need_ the suction cups to stick to something, here's two quick-and-dirty ideas which you can do right now at home: 1) Remove the mirror from your bathroom and set it on the bed. A few plastic clips just need to be rotated usually, and you can take the mirror off to get you off today. Then tomorrow buy a cheap (but large) mirror from the thrift store, or next time you're out. 2) Take the oven door off your oven. They almost always come off for cleaning. Plenty heavy, plenty smooth, perfect for suction cups and aggressive movements. There were a few complaints about this thing being "underpowered", and these were one of the ones that concerned me. Well the dial control is a simple rheostat so on the low setting the motor is getting a low voltage. Just like a light dimmer. The motor goes very slow, but it also has very little power to make entry to your holes at this setting. There's no way around that. Motors that have larger torque at slower rpms do exist for things like pricey speed-regulated lathes but they are BUKU expensive. Unless you want this thing to cost WAY more (thousands), I think we're stuck with this setup. I didn't find that to be a problem really; it just means you can't sit there on very low power settings. This does unfortunately mean that the device will be operating at an unrealistic speed at all times compared to human sex. Once you get over the fact that it _won't_ feel exactly like a human, you can just lie back and enjoy it at the much faster speed. The stroke length is only about 1-5/8" anyway, which is probably a lot less than you're used to. Again, don't treat this as a simulation for a human, treat it as a whole new experience. The other complaint that had me worried was: Some people were saying there was some sensor or something that was in the dildo that would shut the thing down if it got off-angle a bit. I believed them, because it seemed like a sensible precaution. But when I got mine it went like mad without ANY dildo attached, so what sense does that make? Also note that I didn't experience any similar problems. I think these folks were just experiencing the low torque of the DC motor on low voltage. But I did feel something suspicious inside the dildo, which could have been a sensor. I thought the manufacturer might have listened to customer complaints and installed a jumper to disable this safety feature. That's what caused me to disassemble the device. Photos below. It's pretty simple, really. There are NO wires leading to the dildo connection. There isn't even a place where they COULD have been installed, without getting mangled. Conclusion: There is no sensor on mine. There's no sensor on anybody else's either. There never could have been. Operator error. Crank it up higher and enjoy it. [Edit: Days later I figured out what that "suspicious something" was inside the dildo: It's a vibrator! All this time and I didn't know there was a battery compartment and vibrator in that thing. Doh. Haven't used it; don't plan to. When something is going at 100mph, a little vibrating is nothing added. The only reason it's there is because this is a standard-available vibrating dildo. I figured this out only because I reviewed a very similar standalone vibrator later on.] One legit complaint is that there aren't enough dildos available for this from the company, it's not a standard connection, and folks don't like having to buy things from one company only. I completely understand this. However: The connector seems to be just a standard XLR microphone connector glued to a dildo. You can probably find these connectors anywhere for a buck each. Make your own attachments easily with a hot glue gun and a $5 sex shop toy! Remember, the pins inside don't do anything so don't worry about them. Or just duct tape something onto the existing dildo, even tape it to the bare metal shaft itself. You can do anything you want with this: My plan is to mount one of those cyberskin stroker things. I have a lot of things I could mount on here without much work. Attach two pieces of wood together in an 'L' shape (so the entire device and shaft is pointed downwards toward the bed) and tape on a stroker to the shaft and you have yourself a 250-simolean masturbator for your husband too for no extra money. How cool is that? Because of the nuts and bolts nature of everything here, you can easily mount it to anything you can think up, as long as you can drill a hole in wood and operate a screwdriver. As for the sound, it's loud. It sounds like a sewing machine, and it's just as fast! Picture parking yourself in front of a sewing machine and jamming your foot down on the pedal and watch that needle go to town. The dildo goes THAT fast, it's a blur. I'm not kidding. Certainly not for using when anyone else is in the house, unless you want them to know what you're doing. I did receive a small discount on this item for the purpose of this review, but I still spent some real money on this. And this review was my honest opinion obviously, because otherwise I wouldn't have carried on for lordie knows how many pages talking about it. I think this was the longest review I've ever typed, because this machine is good, and because I'm sure there are that many questions about it from potential customers. It has opened whole new worlds for me. When I get tired of this, I'm scared to think of what is next! (If you have any suggestions for my next frontier, please post a comment. Thanks!)