Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I wasn't a happy man before this shoe rack came into my life. I wasn't unhappy, but the mental stress that existed each time my eyes scanned the corner of what would otherwise be the well-organized latifundium that I call my abode, was daunting, detrimental, demeaning in a way, ya know? I almost went to Fred Meyer like six times. Each time more taunting than the last. "Just get it now," I thought, "Just go settle for whatever run-of-the-mill piece of garbage they have at Freddy's and call it a GD day!" But I didn't. I waited. I watched*. When the time was right, I clicked on the Amazon app. That fateful click was one to remember. I vaguely, as if stuck in a fugue state of purchase paradise remember the zero load time it took to bring up the application on my new iPhone 12 Pro Max Plus Extra Platinum Egregious Edition. I typed in "Shoe Rack." Ha, so mundane, so pedestrian, yet so transcendental. The mahogany came up, the triple-decker, the absolute MAGNUM OPUS of racks (for shoes). And I clicked "buy now." And it came. And I wept. For the corner that had once been the physical manifest of the din of a brothel house in medieval times transformed into nothingness. For the first time, relief swept over me when I scanned that corner. My girlfriend's shoes abound lay neatly on each tier, with room for our dog's collar and a compass in the stock that tells time. *I want to clarify that I did not use the watchlist feature, but that I did indeed watch prices on the object.