Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

A few days ago I woke up to greet my friend and mentor, Cpt. Spitz - my nearly 6 year old cordless Waterpik. The old Captain and I have been through a lot together. For over half a decade he’s single-handedly whipped my wimpy gums into shape with a barrage of unfettered water pressure. Water pressure so great that I once put a fire out with it…2 miles away. Pilots at altitude have confused the Bellagio water show for me simply using my Waterpik in the shower. One time Bruce Lee punched me in the gums and broke his hand. Yes, Cpt. Spitz was a miracle worker. I laid down my trusty friend and tried to resuscitate him for over 12 hours using the finest 122-volts this side of the Mississippi, but alias, he was gone. After a brief mourning period, I drafted in a brand new soldier from Waterpik to continue where Cpt. Spitz had left off. Much to my dismay, this new recruit lacked the confidence to perform his job. The sliver of corn stuck between 14 and 15 didn’t so much as flinch. My gums left distraught, spoke to me in sadness… “They just don’t make them like they used to, pa.” “No gums, they don’t” Dear Waterpik - please bring back those old and loud motors. Motors that can strip paint off a car two counties over. Our gums deserve it.