Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I have been buying stuff off amazon since 2007 and I believe this is the first time I have ever left a review for a product. Yesterday was Christmas and I received many great gifts, but one was most unexpected, I refer to it as a Christmas miracle. Aftering opening presents my wife and I had the joy of wrangling all 3 of our kids away from their new toys and loading them into the car to go across town to my grandparents house for Christmas dinner. A couple key details to this story. 1) I should say "dinner". These folks are old and ate around 3. 2) By "town", I mean San Diego, the 8th largest city in America - meaning to go across said city we had to traverse on a major highway. 3) My middle child is both legally blind and profoundly deaf, yet behaves like that crazy caveman child, Donny, from Nickelodeon's critically acclaimed cartoon of the early 2000's, the Wild Thornberries. This is important because while loading up the car he decided to escape from my grasp and attempt to run into the middle of the road. The cause and effect of this situation lead to me making one of the most foolish choices a person can make: I placed my precious iPad Pro on top of my car as I hurried to save my caveman-child from a stampede of California drivers. I don't know if it was the adrenaline or all of the eggnog that was in my bloodstream, but I forgot about my iPad. I forgot about my iPad as I got into my car and backed out of the driveway. I forgot about my iPad as I turned onto the death trap known as Rosecrans St. I forgot about my iPad as I merged onto highway 8 and accelerated up to speeds that I will not disclose here. I forgot about my iPad as I ate honey-baked ham while pretending to listen to my extended family's stories. I forgot about my iPad while I made my trek home. I remembered my iPad while the honey-baked ham was making its' grand exit around 11 PM. I just couldn't remember where my iPad was. So for the first time in my 27 year life I used the "Find my iPhone" app, which to my surprise revealed to me that my iPad was currently resting approximately 1 mile away from my house, on the Pacific Coast Highway, directly under highway 8. Did I say surprise? I meant horror. I quickly got redressed and made my way to where the app was telling me my iPad was. I got out of my car and kicked around a dirty gutter, scoured bushes and I'm pretty sure witnessed homeless people use heroin. But despite my app showing my iPad flashing like a air tower beacon, my expedition came up fruitless, mainly appleless. I decided to check out highway 8 just for the heck of it. I actually put on my emergency lights, pulled off to side of the road and got out of my car. On a major highway. At midnight. To look for an iPad. Again, appleless. I went home. Rethought what I was doing with my life and went to sleep. A few hours later I woke up to a tear-soaked pillow, like a freshman boy recovering from a broken heart. I again got dressed, decided I was too depressed to brush my teeth, ignored the happiness exuding from my children and got into my car to continue my search, this time with the better lighting and less homeless people. I again started on Pacific Coast Highway. I again scoured filthy gutters and bushes and again I'm pretty sure I witnessed homeless people use heroin (apparently the sun is not a deterrent after all) and again I did not find anything that resembled my iPad. I was fairly certain it landed on top of this self-storage compound, which was directly under highway 8. I called the facility manager to see if there was anyway I could go on their roof. The manager gave me the number of the site manager, who informed me that due to OSHA they actually did not have access to the roof and anytime they needed anything done on the roof they had to call a roofer. Crazily enough, I do not know any roofers, thus my apple dreams were quickly fading away. I got back in my car and started to make my way home. With my gas light on, head hung low, on a whim I decided to drive back onto highway 8, I suppose to pay my final respects. As I merged onto highway 8 my eyes scanned back and forth, with each passing foot building defeat in my stomach, when suddenly I saw a flicker on the side of the road in the distance. I pinched myself to make sure it was not a mirage caused by the honey-baked ham, while quickly pulling off to the side. Of a major highway. But this time as I exited the car, I knew I would be returning with my iPad. What I did not know is if I would be returning with a working iPad. Yet, here I sit typing this review on a blemish-less iPad Pro. Thank you, 8 lb, 20 inch baby Jesus. What I learned from this experience: invest in a leash, befriend a roofer and buy this Unicorn Beetle case; otherwise you might find yourself using heroin on the side of the Pacific Coast Highway.