Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

In the ancient days, the Evil Sourman fought with the D'Orcs against the world of martians. In those days, Mars was a lush planet full of life and martians, halfgentlemen, dorfs, Pointy Earmen, etc. The Cables of Power were created by Sourman to rule the world of the hi-definition cable business. They were the Nine, the Seven, the Three and the One. The Nine were Ethernet cables, given to kongs, sorcies and crazy old bastards of old. Their leader, the Switch King of Wantmar (who was fond of switchblades), quickly made them fall and turned them all into Spendgul, or Cablewraiths: immortal spirits of terror whom Sourman could command even without the One. The Seven were Optical Audio cables. They were given to dorfs but no one really cared what happened to them. The Seven were eventually replaced by Sourman's mother-in-law, Rea'L'T'Ek. The Three were DVI cables called Nomore, the Ring of Fire, Yesmore, the Ring of Water and Hellyeah, the Ring of Air. These were given to some really powerful olves, some of whom died. Sourman could not touch these cables because they were out of his price range. The One Ring was an HDMI cable, originally given to Creative, who was supposed to take it to Mount Gloom, where special HDMI-unmaking salt water existed to ruin the copper connections and make it useless. Unfortunately, Creative started marketing it to martians as an awesome way to watch cat videos, and various martians found it, left their wives because of the quality, and destroyed kingdoms. Eventually it fell into the hands of a halfgentleman, who kept it for some time, turned into a cat named Precious ([...]the one on the left) and lost it to another halfgentlemen named Drofo, who took it to Mount Gloom, was attacked by the Cablewraith who wore blue and yellow, and taken by the Dark Lord Sourman. Thousands of years passed, and Sourman eventually became an old man and told Drofo to get off his lawn. This cable costs $14,000 because it is a relic of Mars' lost heritage. It is the One Cable. Or, maybe because there are four in stock right now, everything I just said is false.