Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

One day I was trying to get over the 35 dollar limit for free shipping from Amazon, so I was just throwing random food into my cart. I came across this ramen, and I had no idea what the repercussions of clicking that "add to cart" button would be when I bought three packs of it to fufill the free shipping requirement the devious Amazon devs set up to take more of my money. A few days later, I get home from work, and there is a large box full of ramen on my doorstep. I'm tired and lazy from work, so I just grab a random pot, boil some water, make the ramen, and stir fry it, and then set it up with a can of Arizona in front of the TV. I don't even remember what show I was watching that night. After eating half the bowl and thinking it was pretty good, suddenly my lips have the consistency of an automobile tire, and sweat is running down my entire body. I can no longer see, or even walk straight, as I half crawl towards the refrigerator. Every breath is torture, as even the ramen miasma lingering around my face causes a new wave of heat to hit my mouth and nose. It is heaven. And I keep eating. I ended up drinking an entire gallon of milk. That night, I woke up due to rumblings and startled the neighbors, and they were on vacation. The next morning, I felt like I had lost my body weight in sweat. But when I got home from work, the ramen beckoned. It tasted pretty good, and I like spicy things. It has now been two weeks, with me eating ramen at least once every two days. My lips are peeling off. I no longer have any discernible internal organs, and my milk budget has reached economic crisis levels. I fed it to my sister and she cried. This may be my last Amazon review. 10/10, will recommend to everyone I know.