Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

As I sit in my darkened corner of my 10-occupant only corner coffee bistro, I pause my writing of my poetry, take the needle off my portable Victrola, take a sip of my cold-brewed caffeinated orgasm-in-a-cup as an epiphany slams into my central cortex. The finely crafted instrument at my fingertips must be handed down from the Gods, I feel as they took a break from conjuring up amazing Tumblr blogs and slim-fitting flannel shirts to bestow such a bespoke device unto us mere mortals! This keyboard, NAY! This inspired instrument for only the greatest of writers with discerning tastes, hewn from aluminum, may have deducted a mere three Benjamins and one Grant from my pocket may have meant that I go without my favorite weekly craft ale from my neighborhood microbrew for a short time, alas a small price to pay for an item of exquisite craftsmanship and attention to detail! My already too-tight corduroy constricts even more as I envision the monumental works of the written form that will pour from my mind, through my fingers, and onto this wonder of human ingenuity. I will shortly be purchasing a second one... not to use, I dare say, but to display its beauty upon my mahogany shelf in my 300sq-ft loft in the East Village.