Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I live in a two story house with a skylight and window on one side of the house near the front door. I was downstairs one day when I heard annoying continuous sounds that I thought was the neighbor pounding nails. When it continued unabated I looked out the window and saw nothing. I then went outside and looked along the side of the house and half way up the very high side of my house, right where the trim divided the wall was a small bird pecking away into the wood like it was an honored guest at an unlimited 24-hour smorgasbord. It was way too high to reach and almost impossible to hit with pebbles, along with the possibility of damaging my home. I finally went into the house and filled up a large cup with water... came out and flung it as high as I could and the bird flew from the house to a tall bush near the house. I went back into the house refilled the cup and flung the water at the tranquility destroying pecker head and it then flew to a higher branch on a nearby tree. Ten minutes later the same annoying hammering sound reverberated throughout my house... the same steps mentioned above were once again repeated. A week later on a Sunday after getting a full workout the night before by my two young granddaughters, I went upstairs to take a nap. A half hour into my nap I was awoken by what I thought was someone knocking heavily AND CONTINUOUSLY on my front door (as the sound traveled differently upstairs). I decided to ignore it but some idiot just kept knocking... I was infuriated by the ill-mannered individual who wouldn't stop knocking, so I ran down the stairs flew open the door and was about to tell the aforementioned idiot where to stick his "knocker"... when lo and behold... no one was there. I looked around the side of the house and saw my uninvited wacky-woodpecker destroying the peace along with the side of my house. I repeated the cup of water syndrome from the week before and went on Amazon to find an avenue that didn't include a .357... After reading about several products I decided on the Stream Machine Water "Toy". It was delivered quickly and right on time. Once I was finally able to cut the "plastic-ties" off the "Toy"... which by the way are strong enough to be used as handcuffs on the world's deadliest criminals... I decided on a test combat run. On my first try I was able to run enough water into my bathroom sink near the front door... and at warp speed... due to the "inhaling" capability of the Stream Machine that could probably suck chrome off a trailer hitch.... I then ran out the door at full woodpecker alert speed and easily drenched the target area from my front steps... all in 45-60 seconds. I ran the red alert test again immediately to see if the original overall timing was accurate and it was. Additionally when I was done with my two tests there was a small amount of water left in the sink so I decided to test the advertised capabilities to use this ***WOODPECKER- DEFENSE -SYSTEM***... oops... I mean "toy"... to bail the rest of the water out of the sink and it worked like a charm. I also decided to do a quick distance check in case the commie woodpecker ever tried to bring additional infantrymen on a future attack once he realized this Grandpa is now packing. I took a tape measure out and measured the distance from my front door to the end of the sidewalk at the front of my house... it was exactly FORTY-FEET... I did another quick combat load... ran to the front door... quickly shot from the waist and it went the full distance... that was enough for me. I have already recommended my ***WOODPECKER-DEFENSE-SYSTEM*** to my son since during a certain time of year some birds literally dive bomb him when he takes his dog for a walk. NOTE TO SPCA: No unpatriotic commie woodpeckers were injured during the creating of this review!