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"Vulnerability is not weakness," writes Brown. In fact, "Vulnerability is the the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences." Without vulnerability, there can be no love, there can be no achievement, there can be no greatness. Unfortunately, instead of developing skills of vulnerability, we too frequently develop armoring techniques. We spend all our energy avoiding getting hurt, avoiding shame. But there's no surer way to not feel loved, not feel connected, not be fulfilled, than to practice the avoidance of vulnerability. Brown is a vulnerability researcher. She sees vulnerability as the prerequisite to living what she calls the "Wholehearted life." The Wholehearted life is one of deep attachment to others, our environment, and our work. It's a life of being "really there," of being willing to fail. No one can avoid being actually vulnerable. We all are vulnerable every moment of our lives -- though some times more than others. But if we run from it, we lose. Here's how she breaks it down: 1. Love and belonging is an irreducible need. We all need it. 2. Those who feel a deep sense of love and belonging... feel loveable. They believe they are worthy of being loved. 3. A strong belief in our worthiness doesn't just happen. It must be cultivated. 4. The main concern of Wholehearted men and women is living a life defined by courage, compassion, and connection. 3. The Wholehearted identify vulnerability as the catalyst for courage, compassion, and connection. The willingness to be vulnerable is the single most important factor shared among the Wholehearted. It comes down to this: If we don't embrace vulnerability, we are destined to live a lonely, detached, unfulfilling life. But if we learn to embrace it in the right way, we can live a life of joy and connection. The crux is to understand that we are worthy of love. From the standpoint of this sense of worthiness, we are then able to open ourselves to one another and to the work that is before us. A look at the table of contents gives a clearer picture of the argument of Daring Greatly: - What It Means to Dare Greatly - Introduction: My Adventures in the Arena 1. Scarcity: Looking Inside Our Culture of "Never Enough" 2. Debunking the Vulnerability Myths 3. Understanding and Combatting Shame 4. The Vulnerability Armory 5. Mind the Gap: Cultivating Change and Closing the Disengagement Divide 6. Disruptive Engagement: Daring to Rehumanize Education and Work 7. Wholehearted Parenting: Daring to Be the Adults We Want Our Children to Be - Final Thoughts - Appendix -- Trust in Emergence: Grounded Theory and My Research Process - Practicing Gratitude Daring Greatly doesn't focus on the area of love and relationships, but it offers invaluable tools for deepening our love partnerships. For going deeper into vulnerability in the context of a romantic relationship, check out The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do To Reconnect With Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work by Olsen and Stephens. More generally, if you're interested in Browne's concept of Wholehearted living -- the contextual framework of Daring Greatly -- check out The Gifts of Imperfection. Daring Greatly is highly recommended as a primer for those who wish to step into the place they truly belong -- it's a place prepared for each person, but it has to be worked for. It's not altogether easy, but it's deeply relieving to understand that this essential skill is not about simply stepping out under a hail of deadly arrows. It's about leaving behind lonely and fearful self-interest, having courage that deeper connection eagerly awaits us.