Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I'm usually not one to do reviews but this certainly deserves a review!!! We've had this about 5 months now.. life changing! Hard sleeper? Hitting the snooze button a lot in the morning? Yeah..well, that’s me..it hasn’t always been… Heck, I used to be up by 5 AM every morning, ready to kick booty and take names. Well, not so much these days. Not sure if it's because I haven’t had a full night’s rest since 2012 (thanks Al’s) or because my diet & exercise have turned to crap-- nonetheless, Russians attacking the U.S. in broad daylight couldn’t wake me from a midday power nap if given the chance. Being business owner, WAHM, Wifey.. Surely you can see how that can be an issue. As fate would have it, Mr. Smo and I happened across this surreptitious alarm clock marketed towards those that sleep like a railroad tie instead of a normal human being should. Literally never heard of it. The ad promised to wake the heaviest of sleepers. I’m thinking, “they’ve obviously not met me, so..” What the heck, let’s give this thing a whirl. We buy it. It comes in 5-7 business days, yada yada. Of course I’m testing it out! I ain’t fixin’ to DIE trying to come out of my sleep (if it really works, that is!) Firstly it comes to you literally looking like a bomb wire to a hockey puck. Like, that probably should have been my first clue to walk away. Nope, I’m a glutton for punishment. Y’ALL- we were testing--- I repeat, TESTING this alarm, broad daylight… Not sleeping…Heck, we were expecting the thing to go off in a minute’s time. That alarm went off and y’all, If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin! I dang near fell out.. I nearly had a HEART ATTACK! This thing packs a whopping 113 decibels, (the same as a chainsaw, so you imagine one starting up as your alarm clock!) My ears probably bled lol..The vibration was jolting, but more on that later. Alright, now to the real test: So Night #1: Side note: Both Mr. Smo and I have a love affair with our snooze buttons. We usually set the alarms 1-2 hours ahead so we can snooze and “drift lightly back to consciousness in time” for the day. Night #1 we decide we’re gonna be some daredevils. Set that joker for the exact wakeup time. Let’s do it. We placed the “jolter-majig” under our mattress, in the middle, to make it fair for all parties. I wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready. Also, might I add, tiny Smo, too, was also not ready. Now, let’s break this down. You’re sleeping. You’re dreaming. Then you get the “jolt”, and by “jolt”, I mean sit straight up in bed, bug eyed, scrambling for glasses, screaming across the king size bed, “HOLY !)@*# IS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE?!?” kind of jolt. The bed-shaker (that actually goes underneath your pillow, I do NOT recommend that) shakes so violently, you can hear and feel it on the other side of the house. So, yes, it literally shakes your lazy tail outta bed. Imagine a guy coming into your room each morning with a jack hammer, and that’s about it. Then, you get the “squall”... (is that a good word? I feel like that’s a good word.) Remember the aforementioned 113 decibels? Try going from sleeping soundly, to a chainsaw in your ear with no warning. Your heart rate will go from 60 to 130 in seconds, from the first jolt, really. Now, this God-given, Satan inspired gift also has one more trick… it has LIGHTS, as if the brutal awareness that you are no longer asleep, but may now have an anxiety attack instead, isn’t enough. I wouldn’t go as far as to say these red-flashing lights would cause a seizure, but it probably would be good to keep in mind if you have epilepsy. The only way I can describe these lights is, if you’ve ever seen flashing red lights on an ambulance, that’s about what it’s like. The only experience Mr. Smo says he can compare this alarm clock to is being jolted to consciousness each morning in basic training. Like drill sergeants, the shear volume of this alarm clock will make it impossible for one to ignore it. Really, I’m not even sure why they included a snooze button on this thing. If you have heart issues, do not get this. If you suffer from anxiety, do not get this. Epileptic much?-- probably not for you. This alarm is no joke. But it’s EFFECTIVE. I often find myself waking up before the alarm even goes off due to what I believe is almost fear. Imagine someone putting a jack hammer to your bed and the loudest alarm you can imagine going off. If you can sleep through this then you may want to go see a doctor to check and see if you’re still in the land of the living. Though, I’m certain no matter what state of decomposition one is in, it’d probably still wake the dead. As far as wiring issues, not working, etc... no problems so far.