Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

The problem with reviews for most clothes on Amazon is they're written for ridiculously in-shape guys who want that nightmarish term known as "athletic cut". Eff that. Just because you can't finish a pint of Haagen Daz all in one sitting doesn't make you special. Reality is knocking on the door, people: Matthew McCoughnehey looks nothing like every other Lincoln driver in America! For big guys like me who actually exist in this universe with excess baggage in the front, there is a legit difficulty with keeping shirts tucked in. Cmon...they're dress shirts for crying out loud-- you're going to wear them tucked in! As a side note, most of you slighter folks might say "Well, if you just wore the dress shirt normally at your waist, this wouldn't be a problem. However, as most of my corpulent comrades can testify, we are on what Kevin James called the "second waist". And if I try to put it above there, not only am I buying pants waist sizes that are coming close to the scores on the leaderboard at the Masters, your pants run the risk of falling down. Likewise wearing pants to your natural waist when you're this big makes you look like a 1920s politician. So don't even go there! If manufacturers just took the extra material and just made them long enough to be safe, this wouldn't be a problem. Most, however, do not, unless you want to pay an arm and a leg for a custom shirt or pack up your last shred of humanity and go to an "XXL" type store. We all know what Rodney Dangerfield said about that in Back to School, right? Thankfully, these shirts arrived high quality, and--as should be--if you order it a bit longer in the sleeves and your correct neck size, the shirt will not embarassingly fall out making you look like a bigger slob than you already are (insert nervous laugh). Thankfully, this is remedied by buying a shirt with a slightly longer sleeve (in my case, 38-39), thus ensuring a plenty-long shirt for adequate coverage. Taking a hit for the team in the arms isn't such a big deal when your shirt is comfortable, fits well and for God's sake gives you some dignity back getting up from sitting down at a meeting without fussing to make sure your shirt isn't falling out and you look like a rotund 8 year-old itching to get out of their First Communion suit while Aunt Edna from Des Moines who smells like mothballs and Parliaments is trying to plant a sloppy kiss on their cheek. And what's more, they are reasonably priced and come in great color selection and amazingly even give you the extra two collar stays--because we all know how hard those are to find after you do your laundry during a drunken football Sunday and forget to take them out of the shirt! Finally, someone spoke about it's fairly athletic cut, which is somewhat true. But even as a big guy, you don't want too loose, because at some point you're going to come to the realization that Kurt from accounting already secured a date with the hot new broad from sales who gets flirty after just two shots of Fireball because he was able to run a 5k through fire and barbed wire with her, while you think just tying your sneakers should be a new Olympic event this summer in Rio. With the wrong shirt that's too loose in the gut, once you start losing a few, you'll quickly look like Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Does ANYONE remember that show? In summary, if you are a bigger guy worried about the shirt coming out because body by Golden Corral, get this shirt a size or two bigger on the sleeves and the same collar size and you should be kosher. Godspeed, my future Lipitor-taking brethren!