Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I finally gave in to my wife and kids and we got a new puppy. While superficially she looks adorable, in-depth ethnographic observation of the animal reveals that she is, in fact, an abomination released upon unsuspecting humanity, and possibly a harbinger of Doom. The wretched animal is peeing prodigiously all over my house and guess who has to clean it up. It's funny how before we got the hound my wife and kids solemnly vowed to take care of "the sweet new addition to our family" in "every possible way" including thoroughly decontaminating the site where the dog might have "the occasional accident" prior to being fully housetrained. And yet at the first sight of elimination my wife and kids act suspiciously busy and try their darnedest to teleport to a galaxy as far far away from the offending puddle as possible. So I am left holding the bag, literally speaking, and have been involuntarily and reluctantly pressed into service as an unwilling janitor (the term 'shanghaing' is defined as "the practice of conscripting men by coercive techniques such as trickery, intimidation, or violence" and describes my current situation perfectly). The good news is that Nature's Miracle Stain and Odor Remover works as advertised, particularly on carpeted surfaces (it's not recommended for wood or tile floors). The bad news is that even after you are done following the instructions, if you illuminate the contaminated site with a UV flashlight you can clearly see the fluorescent evidence of the atrocity committed by the canine perpetrator. So now my life is like a TV episode: the dog urinates, and I descend upon the area like a cross between the janitor in "Scrubs" and a male version of Pauley Perrette from "NCIS", illuminating incriminating forensic evidence with my 395 nM UV Ultra Violet 21 LED Blacklight Flashlight, by LEDwholesalers 7305UV395 and subsequently, gloved and hazmat-suited, I liberally douse the afflicted area with Nature's Miracle Stain and Odor Remover, 32-Ounce until the crime scene is forensically clean. And then of course I rinse and repeat. Over and over again. Probably until the end of time. My humble suggestion to you based on my own poignant personal experience: if you are thinking about a pet, get Kinectimals for your Xbox 360. Your house will thank you.