Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks, who loved Gummy Bears. One day, she went shopping for them on Amazon, and found three different kinds! Being a glutton, she ordered them all. The first to arrive (thanks to her Amazon Prime membership!) were the Haribo Bears. She greedily shoveled a handful into her mouth and began chewing. "Ow!" she exclaimed, as several of her teeth chipped. "These bears are too hard!" She decided to give the remaining Haribo bears to her evil step-mother, whom she hated. The second to arrive were the Black Forest Bears. Gingerly rubbing her still-sore jaw, she shoveled a handful into her mouth and began chewing. "Meh," she said. "These bears are OK, but I've had better." She decided to give the remaining Black Forest Bears to her little sister, whom she did not like. The last to arrive were the Albanese Bears. "Here goes nothing," she said, as she shoveled a handful into her mouth and began chewing. Her eyes widened, and she immediately followed that handful with another. And then another. "Oh. My. God." she said, around a mouth full of bears. "Where have these been all my life? They are the sweetest, softest, tastiest gummy treats I've ever had! These bears are just right!" Just then, there was a knock at the door, and her step mother and sister barged in. "We can hear you slurping down those Albanese 12 Flavor Gummy Bears from clear across the street! They must be pretty good. Will you share with us?" Goldilocks laughed. "But stepmother, you have no teeth to eat with, because the Haribo bears chipped them to pieces. And sister...well, I just plain don't like you, so I'm not sharing." It didn't even matter that the bag wasn't resealable, because Goldilocks finished the five pound bag of bears right in front of them, and they wept. The End~