Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I am writing this review with a new found purpose in life... For up until a few hours ago I was on a willmaker .com planning my ultimate demise. I had bequeathed all my worldly possessions... including but not limited to a television, router, and top Ramen.... to my teenage son. With a heavy heart and peaceful soul I accept my fate at the hands of his socks.... those mismatched, stained, dingy, putrid, stench ridden vessels of the apocalypse... the only thing left to do is wait for the toxins in the air to reach my bloodstream... for it is laundry day. (Enter Molly's stage left) A bag of Molly's rests atop a milky white washing machine. A gift from the gods perhaps... a beacon of hope in a otherwise futile world.... using what little strength I can muster; I physically touch the encrusted Hanes-ish vessel and fling it in the direction from which the bright light of Molly eminates. With a loud crack the projectile ricochets off the lid and into the washer. I quickly lock the lid preventing the hell spawn demon sock from escaping its sterile citrus fresh tomb... As the fill cycle begins, I can almost hear the wails of defeat from the dark abyss. I run quickly outside to escape the green haze of stench and fill my lungs with the cool, fresh, air. The neighbors staring at the wild-eyed woman trying her best not to hurl - I wave weakly and sit on the porch awaiting my fate... all too soon I hear the musical chimes that indicates that washer has done its best. To what carnage will I return to... shards of whirlpool embedded in the sheet rock? With the courage of s warrior I slowly make my way back into the once jubilant abode. Each step announces my feeble attempt at making peace with the sock.... step..... breathe..... step..... exhale.... the anticipation is stifling.... And then when all seems in vain.... the lid pops open... a waft of fresh air passes through my senses. I am taken back to a joyous time.... a time of peace and tranquility.... void of hormones and sweat glands... all is right in the universe. And watching all of this; still perched atop the washer sits the bag of Molly's. Triumphant in her battle vs. the sock.