Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Sweet Jesus Christmas Trees, I am in love with this thing! I know it was only delivered yesterday, and it may seem like I'm jumping into a serious relationship way too fast, but the heart (and parts below) cannot be bound by the laws of lesser beings. Besides, this isn't my first rodeo. For the last 6 months I had been using the smaller Diva Cup. And for a while, I thought I was in love. It took me about 3 cycles to get there. The first Shark Week with the cup was exciting for the novelty of this neat new thing. The second cycle was just... kind of disgusting because I still wasn't totally confident or even all that knowledgeable about my own squishy bits. Monthlies 4 and 5 were just... meh. The routine that sets in after the honeymoon phase, you know? But 4 days ago tragedy struck! The swollen Gordian knot of rage and agony in my uterus started to exact bloody revenge on my pitiful mortal form... and my Diva Cup was nowhere to be found. I looked for that sucker high and low, to no avail, and I still have no clue where it went. I made the dreaded midnight tampon run because after 6 months of freedom, all of my reserve supplies of vampire tea bags had been smugly handed out to girlfriends, work colleagues and various menstruating relatives still trapped by the cotton surfboard on the crimson wave. Re-read that last ridiculously hyperbolic run-on sentence and insert your own personal perspective if you want to know what self-loathing and bitter regret feel like in the cold light of hindsight. It ain't pretty. After hopping back on the cotton pony for a full 12 hours I was done. It was uncomfortable, it didn't fit right, I had the worst cramps that I've had in MONTHS, and to top it all off, the sonsabitches kept soaking through and leaking! Yeah. My superpower is Epic Laundry Slaughter. Tremble and bow before my uterine wrath! Anywho, this tampon madness had to go. You can't go around stabbing a proud and noble beast with captive cotton-rods after 6 months of gentle cooperation toward the same goal: living my damn life with no fear of having to explain a natural bodily function to my prepubescent niece using the ridiculous euphemisms that society insists on in lieu of hard facts and proper terminology. But, I digress. In addition to being passionate, liberally literate, devastatingly attractive and ever so slightly verbose, I am also engaged in a long-term game of creature comfort Russian Roulette called "Broke Till Friday -- Again!" I was waffling between the Lena cup and, (my ultimate selection) the Blossom cup. Why did I not go cartwheeling back to my first love, the Diva Cup? A few reasons. In this particular case, cost was a factor. If I had been 158% satisfied with every single aspect of the Diva, I would have repurchased it, cost be damned. It was a good, no... a GREAT cup. It did its job, but there were little nags for me. Of course, my lady-cave is a delicate, mysterious, sensitive vessel through which human life is brought into being, but I didn't realize how delicate and sensitive we were talking about until I ditched the tampons and embraced the silicone rage catcher. The Diva Cup I had was the smaller of the two sizes offered. I am 28 and have never spawned. The Diva was a much stiffer cup than the Blossom. It was also a tad bit longer, so even the little one never really felt 100% comfy-womfy. The stem kept rubbing, sometimes the entry sequence and atmospheric injection burn was little rough, and contrary to popular wisdom, there was never a time when I forgot about it because I "couldn't even feel it!" I ALWAYS knew when I had a guest touring my Barbie Dream Beach Resort. It also slipped around and out WAY too often for my liking. The problem was that I didn't even realize that these were problems! The Diva is a fantastic product that opened me up to an entirely new facet of the female existence, and I will always preach that magic and be thankful for the experience. That said, losing my Diva was actually a blessing for me. Let me tell you about my Blossom. I LOVE this cup! If I were any happier with this product, it would be illegal! We're all ladies here, so I'm going to be viscerally honest with you. Every single lady with whom I've swapped war stories SWEARS that you may think you have a heavy flow, but it's nothing compared to hers. I'm not going to downplay another woman's experience with her own body. We are all subliminally taught from a very young age that our bodies and their natural processes are disgusting, filthy, shameful and not to be acknowledged in polite conversation. It has taken me years to re-educate myself about my own body without feeling disgusted or ashamed, and if anything that I say helps someone else feel better about themselves in any way, I have done a good thing in this world. But, back to my description of the Eldritch Horrors that flee my body every few weeks. My monthly voyage down Lucifer's Waterfall is pretty intense. There's screaming, there's gut-searing pain, there's anxiety about leaving the comfort of my home and private bathroom, weird food cravings, and there is so. Much. Irritation. I am not a very pleasant conversationalist when I can literally feel a chunk of viscous tissue tearing free from my uterine lining and trying to slide down the Bifrost. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing us that women in tampon commercials actually exist and enjoy doing cartwheels on the beach in white bikinis. I've seen more convincing evidence of the existence of the dreaded chupacabra. But now? I get it. I would never attempt any kind of acrobatic maneuver with an UltraPlus tampon AND a backup pad. Hell with that mess waiting to happen. I can't do backflips anyway, but with the Blossom cup I would feel confident enough to try. The walls are slightly thinner than the Diva, and the entire Blossom structure is MUCH softer than the Diva. For me personally, the Blossom is an all-around better fit for my lifestyle, for my activities, for my attitude and, let's get this out in the open, a better fit for my Red Wedding. I went into such graphic detail about my Crimson Tide because I actually ordered the larger size of the Blossom. It was by accident, and I was a bit bummed over my stupidity, but I was desperate to ditch the plastic applicator hell in every box of Tampax. I am still thrilled with the Blossom cup in ways that I was not with the Diva. I have a Hulk-tastically heavy flow for about 3 days, so buying 2 boxes of super plus tampons was a necessity for me. I am a walking, talking environmental collapse over here. Even with the Diva Cup, overflow and leaks were an intermittent worry for me on heavy days. I now realize that this was NOT due to a faulty product, but because I was not using the product with the best fit FOR ME. The Diva is still an amazeballs item, and I highly recommend that every woman reading this give menstrual cups the opportunity to change your life. With the Blossom, I have had NO problems with comfort, fit, or Massive Panty Destruction. I am one very satisfied customer, urging other women to become similarly satisfied customers. I don't have kids, but I have nieces. I can already see disturbing attitudes about themselves and their bodies manifesting when we hang out. I look back at my own experiences with puberty and cringe. I hated myself. I hated my body. I hated the things my body did, things over which I had no control. I refused to talk to anyone about it, not my older sister, not my mom... I was barely ok talking to my friends, which presented it's own problems. We were all ignorant, stupid self-loathing kids trying to educate other ignorant, stupid self-loathing kids. That's how 3 of my friends had babies before high school. Calling MTV for Preteen Mom! I'm not trying to get preachy here, but if I had been presented with the opportunity to view menstruating as a positive experience with several interesting, safe and hygienic options for self-care, I would have skipped years of shame, hurt, fear and anger over a simple fact of life. Love My Blossom! Love My Life! Finally Love My Body!