Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

My wife and I recently moved to a small town in Hawaii, and while everything was paradise, the nightly invasion of our kitchen was not. At first, it was quite enjoyable to run around the kitchen smashing the sturdy bugs as they tried to scurry for the cover of darkness. A couple of weeks with no relief sapped much of the fun though. Next weapon, Diatomaceous earth, sprinkled in all the dark corners and crevices. A dead from thirst cockroach would appear even now and then, legs up, and I would point in satisfaction, as my wife would shake her head disapprovingly and say, "Not enough". Next up in the cockroach assault, some good ole home cooking. Cockroach Ball food, made by my own hands with many varieties, including mixtures of boric acid, borax, caro syrup, cocoa ponder, flour water... smeared in every crack I could find. I tried to smear some in the cabinets by the sink and that's when I found it... Cockroach HQ. Millions of them sleeping (creepily) on the underside of our counter between the stove and sink. I resisted the temptation to burn everything to the ground, that would only piss them off, and scatter them. No, this required patience. I had the tactical advantage, and had to move quick. I placed multiple balls of every variety of my specialty cockroach death food around their home, thinking they were so lazy they would just wake up and chow down the sweet poison. Then defecate and die, and their children would eat their poisonous dead bodies and... defections. A tipping point of cockroach death that would leave me victorious. I was waiting patiently in front of my TV until the early evening. It was finally dark enough that I was confident the cockroach alarms had gone off and they would be going about their day. I ran to the kitchen, giddy to see my miniature enemies struggling to move, crying for assistance. But no, they were dancing all over the counters, making my wife question my insect killing skills, and mocking me with their tiny cockroach smiles. My hours of careful mixing of toxic chemicals, avoiding deadly fumes, and keeping my baby son "mostly" away from the poisonous creation was supposed to end this silly battle between the cockroaches and I. It was all for naught. Not only did the homemade poison food have no effect, it seemed to have the opposite effect, as the next wave of cockroach infantrymen dancing on my counter looked larger, and slightly more angry. I had just feed these evils menaces cockroach steroids somehow. I needed assistance before I called in a mercenary to do my dirty work. That call went to Amazon for an order of Dupont Advion Cockroach Bait. Once it arrived I waited for daylight and crawled back into cockroach HQ to once again place poison food, right next to every ball of my failure I left in prior attempts (mostly untouched, the steroids must have been from another source, my neighbor might be their ally). I waited a day. 24 dead cockroach corpses appeared on the kitchen floor the next morning. The best part is after I swept them up, 2 more had crawled out and died on the floor (considerate for them to do so before I put the broom away). I had dealt a blow to the cockroach army and they countered appropriately. I heard rustling paper on my desk that night and found a ginormous cockroach tank beetle sent to destroy my family and me. It had a minor navigation problem and was spinning around helplessly. BLAM, shoe to the dome. Over the next couple of days as the number of cockroach dead continued to climb I would find these large cockroach looking tanks all around the outskirts of the house. I had never seen them before, only battling the tiny foot Soldier in the kitchen. But those foot Soldiers must has been bringing back food for these large monster cockroach warlords in case things got dicey. Unfortunately, those foot Soldier cockroaches are dumb and delivered the same poison that caused their decimation in the kitchen to their last line of defense. As the days passed and hundreds of cockroaches helpless passed away after a couple more applications, I began to feel sorry about how devastating the weapon I chose was and how there was nothing they could do except die. Sometimes I would find them on the ground with their legs kicking, and I would scoop them up and take them outside to see the sunlight. I imagine that made them happy, or it was torture, either way I win. After a week, things began to grow quiet. Every cockroach near my house has been eradicated (and a random potato bug looking thing). I also starred down my neighbor... he knows I know now. Cockroach war 2014 is over, and I have Dupont Advion to thank. It was a small 30 gram tube that swung the battle in my favor, and helped me reap my just rewards from my wife. If the cockroach army dares cross back into my land, Amazon can expect to be shipping me another tube of Dupont Advion for another annihilation. If you got roach problems, don't waste your time, place an order now. Update (11Jan15): I've yet to see another cockroach over the past year. I cant believe how amazing this product worked. Be it fear or effectiveness, the cockroaches have not returned. I will relish the day they dare to...