Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I bought this shirt 3 weeks ago and am just now able to eat solid food since my jaw has been unwired. I made the mistake of wearing this incredible article of 100% cotton ferociousness to a sportsbar/nightclub in North Phoenix. Of course I got in free because the bouncer was so intimidated by the burning crimson eyes of my Grizzly shirt, he simply averted his own weak, brown eyes and stepped aside. As I strode in, several sad excuses for men screamed, dropped their Bud Light Limes and dove under the tables, thinking it was a real man-eating bear. Their women knew better than to be so easily frightened. They could smell the testosterone wafting off of the freshly printed design on the front, and one look at the shoulder-to-shoulder tape and my seamless collar had them fighting amongst themselves for the chance to be mauled on the dance floor. I chose the blondiest of them, and with her eyes half lidded, hungrily devouring the awesome image on my chest, she breathed, "How heavy is it?" I grunted my reply, "5.6 oz, with double needle construction throughout", and with one flick of my wrist, spun her out on the dance floor. The problem was that I didn't see the guy already out there in his Three Wolf shirt, as he had his back to me, dancing all girly. As I planted my feet majestically in the middle of the floor, letting my new blonde prize begin her Dance of Bruin Seduction, this joker that dared to wear a Three Wolf shirt to the same club as me turned around, and with a sudden crack of lightning, his triple Canis Lupus locked graphic eyes with my singular Ursus Horribilis and all H.E. double hockey sticks broke loose. I hate to say that since this was the first time I wore this shirt out in public, I just couldn't control it for longer than a few horrific seconds. It broke my jaw, lacerated my arms and dislocated my shoulder, but that poor s.o.b. barely had time to realize he brought only three wolves to a bear fight before his ego was chewed to metaphorical ribbons right in front of every awestruck desert hillbilly in the Arrowhead shopping district. If you dare to buy these bloodthirsty threads, I recommend you take some cage-fighting lessons or only go to off-season craft shows until you think you can handle the terrible responsibility of knowing what might happen if you cross paths with some fool in a lesser shirt.