Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Have you always wanted to sit in a sauna with Satan on the equator? You're in luck! This mattress cover uses global warming technology to trap all heat available in the universe and never let it go, burning up you, your partner and your pets until you die. This product gets one star because it had the unexpected side effect of making me drink more water. It advertises itself as a mattress cover, which is true, it will cover your mattress (if the cheap zipper works). You could also just dip that sucker in the river Styx, coating it with demons, and drop it off in death valley for your next night's sleep. Same thing. But wait! There's more! Your new LINENSPA will sound just like a rustling bag of trees every time you move, or think about moving. So if laying in a simmering pool of your own sweat doesn't keep you up, you can count on the harsh crinkle of you new purchase to piss you off all night. I'd love to comment on if this product keeps out bed bugs or is waterproof but I don't know because I'm returning this poltergeist after one night.