Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

In fairness, I have to admit that I'm reviewing this without trying it ... but there's a reason. I've had cow's milk and goat's milk, but never the milk of a Tuscan. The image of someone even trying to milk a Tuscan is, quite frankly, more than a little disturbing, so how could I drink something like that? More to the point, where would one find that many lactating Tuscans to get an entire 128 fl oz of Tuscan milk, much less, gallon after gallon of the stuff? (Yes, I know ... Tuscany. But that's not the point.) Something's just not right ... just not right at all! And in what sort of conditions are these hordes of lactating Tuscans kept? Are they free-range Tuscans, or are they caged? Are they forced to exist in feed lots, given only pasta and wines from genetically-modified grains and grapes, or is this a certified organic operation? And how about freshness? It's bad enough that the milkers of these Tuscans must work 'round the clock (child labor?), but how long does it take to get this product from farm (or colony) to store? And at what cost in the way of a carbon footprint? No ... I just can't do it. Call me Tuscan-intolerant, or whatever you like. Someone has to take a stand!