Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Tried these when a well meaning wife tried to get us to eat a more healthy diet. The "intestinal discomfort" is really an understatement. The sugar alcohols in these vile candies will reap a mighty vengeance on your entire digestive tract if you eat more than a handful. Like a nuclear reaction, there is a critical mass of bears that need to enter your system before it tries to rid itself of the poison in a violent and spectacular way. I'm not sure what that is, since my tiny wife managed two handfuls before succumbing, while I only needed one. Side effects include: -painful intestinal cramps (I'm dead serious, I thought we had food poisoning before looking these nasty things up on the interwebs) -explosive and prolonged flatus that smells like an overflowing septic tank -sweats and chills -MOAB blast diarrhea (that's the only way I can explain it, apparently the force of the bears exiting your system creates a hypersonic detonation that can somehow clear the air gap between the seat and porcelain toilet bowl) There is no time frame for the symptoms and there is no warning, but the window to intestinal genocide seems to be 6-24 hours. You go from minding your own business to the most painful intestinal cramps and flatus this side of a bowel obstruction or appendicitis. You will be glued to the toilet (both figuratively and literally) for hours trying to purge your system. This is the price for playing God and perverting foods to suit our own prideful needs.