Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I'm an overthinker. If I need a toaster, I read reviews, look for consumer reports-type articles or lists, even watch videos. I go analyze if the good reviews are just people on their first day of owning it who have no idea if it will work beyond day 1, or if the bad reviews are people who don't know how to work product reviews who are whining about shipping delays. But this time... this time, I thought, you know what? I have pretty close to ZERO free time. I'm a busy person. It is not worth my time or effort to agonize over some $50 machine I use twice a week. I'll pick something with 4 stars or more and go. This one popped up in a list of Black Friday deals, so bam - pulled the trigger. When it arrived, I immediately thought, "Uh, so maybe I should have at least looked at it a little closer... why is it so tall?" A tall toaster might not bother a person with an open bar for it, but mine goes on a counter under some refaced cabinets. Which means the coating would warp if a toaster's heat came up 4 inches below it, enough to make the cabinets hot. So, we had to pull this toaster out to the very edge of the counter in order to use it. Strike one. (There seems to be no benefit from the excessive height of this toaster - it was demonstrably taller than my other two slice toaster we were replacing.) Then, the stupid panel thing. I assume because the toaster is so tall, we don't want the toast to pop up - we want it to slide out. Which it did. Right onto my floor. Because it was on the edge of the counter, and the little panel is on a downhill tilt. The toast "Pops" with speed, but down. It doesn't just drop - it pops. And flies down the smooth plastic slide panel. And onto the floor. Especially anything heavier, like a thick slice of bread or a bagel. The dog was happy and the cats were alarmed, but I was just irritated. Strike 2. I decided to keep the damn thing despite the OBVIOUS design stupidity, as punishment for my laziness of not doing my required toaster research. But you know what? It doesn't toast! It takes FOREVER to turn it anything more than warm. Then, when it's finally almost there (cabinets starting to melt, kid late for virtual school, and me standing there propping up the slide so my kid's breakfast doesn't get served to the dog first) it goes from barely tan to almost black. No temperature consistency. Seriously the most annoying small appliance with the dumbest design ever. I hate everything about it - from the fact that there is no cord storage, to the extra steps required to move it and adjust it and clean the slide before you fold it back up, to the awkward amount of space it takes up, to the fact that they thought it still needed a burst of energy when clearly gravity would have been fine... everything. But worst of all is that it can't make toast the way you want it. Setting 3 made darker toast than setting 5. I burned or dropped to the floor about 50% of everything I ever put in it. It's January and this was delivered in December and it's being donated. Honestly, I should do the future recipient a favor and trash the thing. Two stars because people don't believe one star reviews, and you should ALWAYS read the reviews.