Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Strap on, this is gonna be a long one. The reason I bought this item was because it was featured as a Lightning Deal around the same time my old $35 "Toilettree" facial brush stopped working (funny enough). So instead of its ridiculous $220 price tag, I got it for around (a still quite ridiculous) $130 + tax. Due to some bad reviews on here, I decided to watch a few videos on it first. Well that was a mistake because I'm pretty sure that most of those manscaping YouTube personalities got paid by Clarisonic because they were ALL ABOUT it, recommending it to every acne-prone shmuck like me who watched their video on the new and amazing Clarisonic Alpha Sh*t. So I bite the bullet because at this point, my face is so used to a daily scrubbing that it just can't go without it anymore. I just feel a whole lot cleaner and fresher after a good face scrub, you know? So yeah, since this is "the best facial brush that money can buy" and it was discounted, I thought what the hell right? What do I have to lose? 1) Money 2) Patience 3) Clear Skin That's what. Those are the three main things I lost in the span of just 4 WEEKS of using this horribly designed $220 paperweight. Yes, you read that right - 4 weeks I was able to use this thing before it stopped holding a charge. I was WAY, WAY happier with the $35 one that I had before because that thing gave me more reason to love it than this fancy $220 electric Easter egg ever did. For one, it frickin' ROTATED. Using the same facial cleanser on both brushes, the old $35 one produced more foam and left me feeling cleaner than this $220 vibrator ever did. I don't care how many times this thing can oscillate per second, if you can't even provide me with the simple pleasure of a rotating, foam-producing brush at this outrageous price point - then don't even bother. Also, my old $35 "Toilettree" one held the cleanser inside its bristles without spilling it all over your face everytime you moved it in a different angle. Unlike this $220 hi-tech ostrich egg that just spit all of the cleanser on your face the second you tilt it, leaving you feeling dirtier than you did before starting it up. Honestly, my skin was NOT as clear when I was using this thing. Plus I didn't have to recharge the $35 one, either. It operated quite well on the same set of 2 AA batteries for a solid 6 months. Compare that to the alleged "28 minutes of use after every charge" nonsense that Clarisonic wants you to believe. Not to mention, the $35 one had a handle! An actual handle you can hold on to firmly with your opposable thumbs the way God intended. If you want to know how much you've taken a simple thing like a handle for granted - go ahead and try out this $220 oversized anal bead. Handling this thing in the shower is like trying to get a replacement unit from Clarisonic's customer service department - hopeless. What's up with the clunky egg shaped design anyway? Clarisonic better fire some of their fancy engineers for this $220 disappointment of a product. Notice I keep repeating the price of both brushes? That's to hammer home the point that even if I bought the $35 Toilettree face brush every six months, I STILL would save more money in 3 years than I would have with this Clarisonic Alpha Spit. So why did I even make the switch? How did the $35 "Toilettree" stop working? After 6 months of blissful use, the brush (finally) slowed down its rotations indicating the need for a battery change. Simple enough, so I go change it out, but it never started back up again. It was a shame but I mean c'mon, what did you expect? It *was* only $35. For $220, however...