Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

So the other day I was taking my daily leisurely stroll through the local recrational park. I decided to take my new pet rock out for a walk so he would stop fornicating with the couch cushions. While sitting on a park bench, a group of small children accidentally threw a frisbee my way, thus striking me in my left temple. Enraged, I yelled an obscenity out of pure shock and surprise. My pet rock acted almost immidiately. He got out of his collar, jumped into my hand, and began repeatedly striking the children in the kidneys over and over. I begged and pleaded with my pet rock, Sylvester Stallone, to cease his shinanigans at once to no aviail. I urged Sylvester to leave immidiately, but he laid limp with no response. I was able to slip his collar back on while he slept. I soon discovered that he did not like noise when the police showed up and their loud sirens once again disturbed my Sylvester. Sylvester once again leaped into my hand and began tackling the police officers viciously until they lay unconscious. After his second incident, I made the decision that he would have to be put down. I took Sylvester home and let him play outside with his favorite chew toy as I snuck up on him and smashed him with a hammer. I buried him beneath the willow tree. Please, for the safety of all children, do not buy this pet. They are distructive and should be kept inside of the county pounds.