Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Being a woman, I bought these pens for myself - I would not want to write with a man's pen, so I have not been writing much since being born 35 years ago. After writing down a few recipes and a fifty-two page hommage to my husband, I found that the Cristal pen made me a lot more feminine, submissive, unassuming and prone to cooking barefoot in the nude. The pen also gave me a fuller chest and somehow managed to cinch all my dresses into hourglass shapes. My husband was delighted that I had finally become the perfect woman. He wanted me to write the pen a five-star review but reviewing things online is a thing only men should do, like voting. One day, however, something happened. I came in from the garden after collecting vegetables for my husband's meal - to supplement the bear he had just caught and killed - and was met by a frightful sight. My husband was doing the breakfast dishes! With his own hands! This was the first indication that something was wrong. Over the next few weeks, things in our house became gradually stranger. I would find the dirty laundry clean, ironed, folded and put back in the closet; the bedding mysteriously changed once a week without my doing it, and the bed was always made. There was no dust anywhere and what was very strange indeed, our bookcases, closets, medical cabinets, kitchen cabinets and drawers were all reorganized, sorted by color, and labelled! Moreover, I constantly found my husband "doing stuff" in the kitchen. By "doing stuff" I do not mean drink beer, which is what men usually do. No, he was BAKING - not even bread or pizza which is manly, but fruit tarts, ganache, cupcakes... actual baked goods. I did not know what to think. It was terrifying. My husband was also writing me love notes on a regular basis, always using my sparkling Cristal "for her" pen. Some notes even came with roses. Real ones, from the flower shop! Ladies, it was most unnatural. Weeks have passed. My house is unrecognizable. The other day I opened my makeup drawer and found that all my nailpolish bottles have been sorted according to hue, size, and relevant outfits. !!! This morning I came downstairs and my husband was in the kitchen, naked, making omelettes and three-grain muffins. He had gone to yoga in the morning and booked a spa/makeover trip for the two of us to Hawaii. My husband now quotes Sylvia Plath on a regular basis. I have run away to the public library. After submitting this review, I will call a psychologist, or perhaps a priest of some sort. It is clear to me now that the BIC Cristal "for her" pen is to blame for this radical change in my home. Its powers are beyond my control: I need an exorcist. Any pen that requires an exorcist to break its power is a pen that earns a one-star review on Amazon. Buyers, beware. You do not want your husband making you breakfast and you definitely do not want him to quote Sylvia Plath. Stay away from this product.