Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I love all God’s creatures. I do. But I cannot for the life of me understand the cosmic purpose of mosquitoes. My hatred for mosquitoes is directly proportional to their love for the particular taste and vintage of my blood. I have tried everything to keep myself from being the mosquito buffet. I’ve marinated in DEET. I’ve used Skin So Soft at the (very annoying) insistence of everyone who swears by it. I’ve burned citronella candles. I’ve used those stupid yet lovely-smelling incense coils. All efforts have been to no avail. The little jerks like what they like, and they happen to really like my flavor. Because Fate has a twisted sense of humor, I ended up moving to the Delmarva Peninsula 22 years ago due to an ill-fated first marriage. I suppose I could have relocated somewhere else when my life got turned upside-down, but I am: (i) stubborn; and (ii) really stubborn. So, I remain here, in a territory where the mosquitoes swarm in Biblical proportions. They’re not the big suckers you see down in the southeastern US; those freakish monstrosities are in Florida, where they belong. The ones here on the Delmarva are numerous, small and vicious. Head out to any watery area and you’ll soon find yourself covered in them and suddenly possessed with a strong urge to set yourself on fire. I know this because one of my hobbies is cruising the Chesapeake with friends in a huge, gorgeous sailboat every weekend. Every weekend, I fight the desire to self-immolate and take the mosquitoes with me to a fiery end. Since the traditional methods don’t work for me and setting myself ablaze is impractical, I decided to try this device because the science made sense to me. The idea behind the device is fantastic, and I really wanted this to work. Sadly, it did not. In fact, it repelled more people than it did mosquitoes. If you have very good hearing (which I do—as well as some of my friends), you’ll hear the device’s “eeeeeee” and it will make you and anyone else who can hear it a little crazy. I tried it on both settings (it has two: “eeeeeeee” and “EEEEEEEE”), and neither worked. Again, keep in mind that for some reason, I am irresistible to mosquitoes. I wonder if I have my own fandom among mosquito populations... like the Cheesecake Factory has a line out the door for an hour, so do the mosquitoes line up to all get their chance to savor my tasty, tasty life force. It is entirely plausible that this device might work for someone less delicious. And the “eeeeeee” might not annoy everyone like it did for me and everyone else on the boat. Just wanted to give an honest (and lengthy) review.