Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I feel like Erin Morgenstern kind of missed her calling. She'd make a fabulous art director. The circus she has imagined is going to look stunning on film. Let's just hope some gifted director will figure out how to bring life to her cardboard-like characters and tensionless plot. Granted, some readers are going to love her descriptions of the fantastical scenarios of said nocturnal circus. And if Morgenstern had either a good story or a talent for writing, she'd be solidly in 3- or 4-star territory with me. But she has neither of those things. First off: There is precious little in the way of story here, whether character-driven, plot-driven, or idea-driven. There is just nothing to these characters, likeable or unlikable. And the (alleged) plot! Those marketing blurbs that reference "a fierce competition," "a game in which only one can be left standing," and "the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will"--those are UNCONSCIONABLE LIES! Here's my proof: On a page that Kindle tells me is 54% of the way through the book, the central protagonists essentially agree that they have no conflict with one another: "Knowing that [Celia] thinks of the circus as an exhibition comes as a pleasant surprise, as [Marco] had stopped considering it antagonistic years ago." I find this pretty insulting to the reader. You tell me there's really no conflict between two people who are supposed to be locked in a magical battle? And there hasn't been conflict for years? And the revelation itself is no more than a pleasant surprise? Oh, and that part about "only one can be left standing"? See, apparently the "duel" ends when one of the "combatants" dies. Which sounds exciting, except that they never actually battle. I might just as well claim that I, Amy Geneva, am locked in a magical duel with...I don't know, David Bowie. A duel that will end when one of us dies. And that claim will be every bit as true, AND just as meaningless, as the supposed battle described (endlessly, and tediously) in this book. Onward to my other major complaint, which is the astonishingly clunky writing. Gah! Yes, I said Gah! OK, so this is a first novel, and she's a young writer...still, I KNOW Doubleday had the budget for an editor, even after Morgenstern got her massive advance...and, in all seriousness, this is some brutally bad writing. No originality of usage, no fresh metaphors. If you're going to pack your book with flowery description, it should contribute to the plot, characterization, or themes. And the language itself ought to be beautiful. See, it's not enough to describe things as being sumptuous, intricate, and lovely if your prose is just...gross. Let's do a quick comparison of Junk Writing that Thinks It's Lovely and Lyrical (Sample A), vs. Junk Writing that Knows It's Junk and Is Therefore Funny (Sample B): Sample A "She turns her head, Bailey catches her eye, and she smiles at him. Not in the way that one smiles at a random member of the audience when one is in the middle of performing circus tricks with unusually talented kittens but in the way that one smiles when one recognizes someone they have not seen in some time." --Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus Sample B "He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it." --Attributed to Joseph Romm, winner of some kind of bad simile contest. (Or so sayeth the Interweb.) Do you see what I'm getting at here? I can overlook the occasional clumsy construction. It happens. But I found Morgenstern's prose almost nauseating, because I was constantly rewriting her sentences in my head while reading. How about some more examples, so you can share my pain? Let's examine the phrase "round spheres that resemble birdcages." Cue gag reflex! Sorry, I wasn't aware that square spheres existed. Why not write "round cages"? Even "spherical cages" would be acceptable. Then there's "Normal chairs with legs and backs act as trapezes." Um...in my world, normal chairs HAVE legs and backs. That said, exactly how are these normal chairs ACTING AS TRAPEZES? Has Morgenstern ever seen a trapeze? In my experience, they bear little resemblance to chairs. Now, this is a work of fantasy, and I am eager to believe in chairs that can act as trapezes. All I'm asking for is a little more detail. Unfortunately, those nine words are a paragraph unto themselves. There is absolutely no explanation of this hard-to-visualize occurrence. Disappointing. Here's another: "There is a considerable crowd outside when Herr Thiessen finally reaches the gates, and despite the crowd, he would have spotted his clock instantly, even without being informed of its placement." I hope you understand why I feel this merits a "Gah!" because, frankly, I find it exhausting to untangle the mess of verb tense shift, spatial discontinuity, passive voice, and sheer wordiness plaguing this sentence. Here's a fun activity if you happen to be using an e-reader to slog through this book. Do a search on the phrase "for some time." The list is both long and hilarious. With irritating vagueness, Morgenstern repeatedly forces her characters to stand in one place "for some time," stare at one another "for some time," or just sit silently "for some time." Perhaps my standards are too high, but I like a book to contain some ideas or some action, if not both. In The Night Circus, a shocking number of sentences are being wasted on uninteresting non-action that lasts for indefinable periods of time. It's excruciatingly boring. So yeah. In the absence of compelling characters or a gripping plot, I found I was reading on just to see what egregious literary howler Morgenstern would commit next. I leave you with this revolting pile of words: "After dinner, the conversation continues over coffee and brandy in the parlor, until an hour most of the guests deem extremely late but Tsukiko points out that it is comparatively early for the circus girls." (And yes, I typed that exactly as printed.) Kindly consider that this sentence got past an editor (who, I hope, read the manuscript more than once), AND a proofreader, AND a copy editor. And therein lies the true fantasy of this novel.