Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I (Sookie Stackhouse) turned on my computer and began to read the Amazon reviews of the latest novel about me by Charlaine Harris, Deadlocked. I read many negative and frustrated reviews by longtime fans of my series, but one review that particularly caught my eye noted how often the same information was repeated in the novel, over and over and over again, in needless and infuriating ways sometimes three, four, or five times sometimes even within the span of only a few pages. I turned off my computer, took a shower, then got ready for bed. My friend Tara, who, as noted in the last chapter, just had two babies with her husband who's a stripper at Hooligan's (like I noted a few paragraphs ago and also in Chapters 1, 3, 4, and 7) called. "Tara," I said, "I just sat down at my computer and read a review of Charlaine Harris' Deadlocked that complained that the same information was repeated in the novel, over and over and over again, in needless and infuriating ways sometimes three, four, or five times sometimes even within the span of only a few pages." But I knew this might stess out Tara, because (as I've just mentioned) she's just had two babies with her husband, who's a stripper at Hooligan's. I could have read Tara's mind because I'm a telepath who reads people's minds, in case you haven't gathered that from the previous 11 novels. But I didn't. So I hung up. The next morning, after checking my mail three or four times and then sunbathing, I went to my job as a waitress at Merlotte's. Because I'm a waitress who works at Merlotte's, which is a bar where I'm a waitress. Perhaps I've mentioned this? Anyway, on the way in, I met my boss and good friend Sam, who is a shifter, and also my boss and good friend. "Say, Sam," I said, "Last night I sat down at my computer and read a review on Amazon about the novel Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris that complained that the same information was repeated in the novel, over and over and over again, in needless and infuriating ways sometimes three, four, or five times sometimes even within the span of only a few pages." "That's interesting, Sookie," said Sam, "because I'm a shifter and you're a telepath who is married to a vampire and, by the way, here comes Pam, who is your vampire husband's vampire offspring and also your friend, like me, but I'm a shifter, not a vampire, and I own Merlotte's, which is a bar where you're a waitress. Hi, Pam." "If you two don't stop this endless, rambling, repetitive exposition that condescends to your readers like they're a bunch of brain-addled idiots, I am going to rip off your heads and eat you both," said Pam. Did I mention that Pam is a vampire who is also my frie... hey, wait... Pam, get away from me! Help! Stop! Don't Bite M...... END of Review