Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

All I’ve ever wanted since I was a small boy was to see my poop illuminated by the grace of god, or a toilet light. I ordered this product with a child like sense of wonder whilst daydreaming of the glorious moment where a sleepy version of myself may clumsily walk into the bathroom for a midnight pee, and there it would’ve been, a beautifully illuminated toilet bowl, shining in all of its magnificence, welcoming me like a grandma welcomes a chubby grandson. In my mind, I imagined my lightened toilet bowl to be a portal to a better looking, more accomplished, beer drinker without a beer gut, self. I just imagined beautiful moments with my toilet bowl light, I wanted it to watch me grow as a person, get married, become a father, a grandfather maybe, and just for it to outlive me and watch me go in peace (pun intended), I wanted to look at it in my deathbed and whisper “You were the light of my life”. After years of hard work and saving 90% of my income I finally put together the $8.64 this product costs. I received it after two days thanks to the nice and probably pro toilet bowl light people at Amazon, whom worked hard packaging my dream and their good wishes into a bubble wrapped envelope, waved it goodbye as the tough guys at UPS drove it away (tough but with a heart of gold). I can only guess the emotions that delivery guy was having as he was walking to my door, I can only compare it to a nurse walking through the swinging hospital doors with a little bundle of joy wrapped like a bean burrito and introduce that small human to its loving family, that driver felt in his heart the responsibility and relevance that this package carried with it. Everybody did their job with jubilous souls… everybody but the people that made this item… my toilet bowl light didn’t work. I took this horrible realization the best I could and thought “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers” and after I was done weeping and screaming awful things to a six pack of krispy kremes, I contacted the nice people from amazon to get an exchange, NOT a refund, an exchange, same product, because I found it in my heart to forgive and forget, and gave this toilet bowl light company the benefit of the doubt, that maybe an agent of evil infiltrated their headquarters and broke my butt light, or simply that someone messed up. BEHOLD!!! Amazing Amazon took a stand and replaced my failure of a light in just two more days! But don’t be ready to cheer just yet my dear reader… that bunny filled, rainbowed background of a paradise we’re all picturing in our minds turned into a dark creepy forest really bad really quick. This second poop path illuminator didn’t work… I’m devastated, I can’t find a motive to get out of bed, the green pastures now look gray, and my dream of light and poop in a single bowl was shattered, just like that, evaporated into thin air. Now I’ve made it my sole purpose in life to protect other toilet bowl lighters out there from such heart break, you don’t have to go through this, and if you already have I’m organizing a support group called LGBT (Light Gone, Boring Toilets) you are not alone. To the makers of this disgraceful home wrecker product, shame on you.