Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I got these in the mail (it was the only present I wanted) and wanted to use them immediately. Y'see, every day when I walk to school these two guys named Ronald and Chester push me on the ground and call me names and say I'm no good. Then they always rip up my homework and take every single one of my pens and pencils away. One time they made me eat a whole pencil and my mouth was bleeding for two days. If I say stop they punch me in the tummy. I have to borrow a pen in class and the teacher always says "ETCHISON! WHY AIN'T YOU GOT A PEN? THIS IS SCHOOL! WHERE'D YOU THINK YOU WERE COMING TODAY?" Every day. So when I got the Hulk hands I decided to take matters into my own (or should I say Hulk's) hands. I walked to school with these on, hidden behind my back. When the two guys came up to me I pulled em out and said, "I THINK TWO BUTTMUNCHES OWE THIS GUY SOME PENCILS!" I started waving my hands in windmill style punches and I hit Ronald in the chest but then Chester stabbed me in the leg with a knife and they ran off. Now I'm in the hospital because I didn't tell anyone for too long and it got infected. My parents are really mad at me. I hate College.