Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

To whom it may concern; I am an adult male deer, aged 6 years. As I roam the fields and forests of my domain I take some pride in the fact that mine is a noble and dignified species. Fleet of hoof and physically fit we go through our lives harming no other animal, feasting only on tasty new growth leaves and other vegetative matter. When I was a young buck I was concerned by the wanton slaughter humans seemed to relish. My mother and two siblings were all killed on their home turf while idly grazing. I have one uncle who has snapped and sunk deep into psychotic fear. He crawls on his belly like a snake through the brambles and refuses to either stand or lift his head higher than the lowest hanging leaves. In order to lessen his desirability to hunters he had his once majestic rack of antlers surgically removed and now sports sad little nubs. He hasn't been in a successful rut for years, becoming a mere shadow of his former self. My cousin, a beautiful young doe, in her desperation, threw herself in front of a Ford pick-up truck, taking her own life. I struggled to make sense of this savagery and spent many waking hours studying the humans, observing their habits and actions after they had murdered one of my kind. I discovered that, most of the time, you used the flesh of the fallen to nourish yourselves and your families and used our skins as material for clothing, dwelling accoutrements and fashion accessories. As abhorrent as your slaughter of my kind is, I realized it was just another step in the cycle of life of the planet we share and that this was our position on the food chain. It doesn't make it easier to watch my fellow deer die at your hands but, I understand why it happens. And then I saw THIS product! Using our hind-quarters as novelty bottle openers?? This is even worse than using our severed limbs as gun racks, mounted on your dwelling walls. Will you allow us NO dignity in death? My grandfather used to tell me tales of how, in days long gone, the Native Americans would treat our deaths with reverence, whispering thanks over our freshly killed corpses before finally butchering the body up for consumption. And now you mount our asses on the wall with a cheap, pot metal bottle opener nailed to our anus? I understand Larry the Cable Guy owns three or four of these horrific pieces and guffaws a "Git 'er Done!" every time he pops the top on a cold beer. You humans are disgusting and I am amassing a deer army to rise in defiance of your barbaric treatment of my species!!!! Signed, White-tail and Mule Deer in Revolt!