Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Ok, well, I wasn’t going to read another one of these after the first one. I learned my lesson the first time, by gosh! However, upon reading reviews for the second, I saw a lot of “I loved the first book, hated the second”, and that did make me curious. As for the rating… I know what I said. I said, “Oh, I’ll put at least two stars if it’s at least edited decently and doesn’t make my eyes bleed with mistakes unless the content is THAT BAD.” It’s that bad. As with the first one, I am reading the book while doing the review, and my reactions are the review. Why break a streak, right? 1% -- Here we go again, though it starts with Derek’s POV this time, so at least that’s different. Also, if your voice came out as a “husky, breathless whisper” that means you didn’t talk since breathing is a requirement for talking. Also, I’m going to interrupt here from snarky review to talk seriously about how damaging it is for men to be portrayed as always on the verge of losing control when aroused. Seriously, guys can control it, and to say otherwise is saying that men are just beasts who can’t control their emotions. They can. Stop it, writers. Just… stop. 2% -- WOW. Not only is it incredibly stupid for them to fall into instant twu luv (just add water!), but then it’s compounded by the ridiculousness of them NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. “Hey, stay ‘cause I love you and want to bone you.” “I want to bone you too, thanks for telling me!” 3% -- Sofia knows what it’s like to be encased in Jell-O? 4% -- The changing POV’s really do nothing for the book. Absolutely nothing… save for making the chapters super short. Also, Sofia get pushed to the brink of insanity quite a lot by absolutely nothing terrifying. 5% -- Wait, WHAT? The witch on the island was able to diagnose her because she was a psychology major? Does she have her degree? Does she work as a therapist? Did she go to med school? Get her masters? 8% -- Is this… actual plot? *gasp!* 9% -- UGH, the plot disguised the TWU LUV for a moment. Ugh ugh ugh. Also, I prefer Derek as he is there. At least he’s not hiding he’s a dick. 10% -- Now we get Ben’s POV too? Also, “Best friend is missing, HELLLLOOOOO HOTTIE!” 11% -- Holy exposition, Batman! … also, nice graphic rape depiction there. 12% -- This is a YA book?! I’ve seen LESS horrifying descriptions in the literary adaption of Hostel. (Which, kidding, there isn't one as far as I know) (Amazingly, this made the book more interesting to ME but this is wildly inappropriate for a YA book.) 13% -- You can totally afford to have him go after her, Derek. Who cares? She’s gone. OH WAIT, TWU LUV I forgot. 15% -- Please, book, spare me the love triangle. That’s all I ask. Just spare me the love triangle. I’ll put up with the twu luv, and the stupid vampires, and the Mary Sue with sparkling brand new vajayjay action… just spare me the love triangle. 16% -- What the hell, book? Now we have to have Lucas’s POV too?!? 17% -- Also, OF COURSE they’re evil: they’re smoking! 20% -- Ben, if you tell people the truth, they are going to lock you up in the nuthouse. 21% -- Ugh, god. I’m calling it now: Sofia is going to turn out to be a half-vampire or witch or something with the mysteriously missing father and all. Also, yeah, the kids ran away, the son has horrible scars on the, and they both act like they have PTSD… throw ‘em back in school right away. They’ll be fine. 22% -- Five and a half days to modernize this huge space, complete with flatscreen monitors, sound equipment, and recliners. Is there a Wal-Mart on this island? I mean, Wal-Marts are everywhere, so it’s possible. And they replaced the roof with glass. In five and a half days. There has to be a Wal-Mart, or maybe a Lowe’s. 23% -- Did Sophia really just compare herself to characters in 1984? They were in a much better written book! 24% -- Ben knows what the word “pensive” means? Wow. And GROSS!! He mentally thinks how awesomely beautiful Sophia is, and then calls her dad a fool to leave her! Those sentence back to back equal gross incest. And six paragraphs in this chapter and I hate Ben. Yup. She’s not an object, ass. 25% -- Well, if he can’t feel anything he’ll make a lousy quarterback, but a great lineman. 28% -- Sigh. Love triangle. 29% -- Ten thousand people living there… has to be a Wal-Mart on the island. 32% -- Of course, the darkness is inside Derek without Sophia. Of course it is. Did I expect anything else? Nope, not at all. 36% -- The times Derek healed Sophia with his blood it was instant, yet it took time with other people. I’m definitely leaning towards half-vampire. 39% -- Jeez, Ben and Sophia kiss once or twice, and then suddenly he’s so handsy with her all the time. Ew. 40% -- Yeah, taking her around to all of the places where YOU have good memories isn’t a good first date, Ben. 41% -- Let me get this straight… once a vampire tastes a victim, they are obsessed with that victim forever? That’s… not a very good survival trait. 48% -- “Why are you here, vampire lady?” “Oh, you asked a question! No wonder why he’s so enamored of you!” 49% -- Instead of manning up and facing the things he did to protect his “kind”, Derek ASKED the witch to put him to sleep ‘to escape’. What. A. Hero. 50% -- Gagging on the chess metaphors. One guess what Sophia was told she was! 52% -- Raping a prisoner. Awesome hero. Just awesome. (I say "rape" here because even though Claudia initiated it, she's "sobbing" at the end and he wasn't paying attention to her. I would assume if she's crying her head off, somewhere in the middle she said NO and he just ignored her... and that's rape.) 55% -- Yeah, ultimatums don’t work, Ben. AND… you friendzoned yourself. 57% -- Sister gets kidnapped, Derek beats the hell out of the messenger. Isn’t he just dreamy, girls? Gosh, golly darn I totally want a rapist guilty of aggravated assault as MY boyfriend! 58% -- OH, and now he’s going to make SOPHIA pay by torturing the girls she befriended on the super secret vampire treehouse island. Wow, he’s such a catch. AND he starts to rape another girl when Sophia walks in. I am so hot for him right now. Whew. 60% -- Oh yeah, forget what you saw, Sophia. Forget the attempted rape and assault, and the blood all over Ashley, and how he threw you up against the wall (again) and was about to kill you. He didn’t mean it, baby. He was just angry. Just tell everyone you walked into a door, kk? 61% -- “You never lost me.” *PUKE* Not because of the sickly sweetness of it all--which is pretty sickening--but because he’s an abusive t**t and SHE FORGIVES HIM. NO NO NO NO NO. 62% -- They’re bantering back and forth and kissing now? WHAT THE EVERLOVING F***, PEOPLE?! I have to stop here and point out that this is CRAZY. Now, granted, some of the stuff was explicit for a YA novel, but I’m a horror writer and reader. I love horror. I love blood, guts, gore. Love, love, love it. But this… this right here, is turning my stomach, because it’s portraying abuse and being with a psycho crazy vampire as being OK. It is NOT OK, not in any sense of any words I can think of. What is really disgusting is that it’s being portrayed as OK … FOR YOUNG WOMEN. Girls, let me tell you what: if you found someone you loved who was in the middle of first trying to MURDER and then TORTURE BY RAPE another girl, you would not go all “tee hee hee” and lay a kiss on him. If you did? Congratulations, battered woman syndrome! This is not something to be taken lightly. It’s what’s wrong with Twilight, The Hunger Games (Oh yes, I have a beef with the Hunger Games and Katniss being forced into a faux relationship with Peeta, but at least she was trying to save her own life there. Still not ok though), and especially 50 Shades of Grey. When I write horror, it’s made clear that it’s not OK. Of course it isn’t! Any abusive situations I’ve read in horror novels it’s made clear there as well that it’s not OK. This… THIS makes it seem, “Oh, as long as they’re together, everything’s puppies and rainbows and they were Meant to Be Together ForEver!” No. A thousand times no, I tell you. NO. It makes me throw up in my mouth. 64% -- Sofia finds out that Derek was punishing Ashley because he wanted to punish her. Here’s the quote from the book: “Unable to control my rage, I gave in to instinct and did the unthinkable. I gave him the most defiant glare I could manage.” *facepalm* 65% -- Well, at least she calls bullsh** on the “I couldn’t control myself” defense. 66% -- K, so I’m imagining Ben meeting Superfly. It’s far more amusing. 67% -- … worldwide organization of highly trained vampire killers. Sigh. 68% -- LOLforever. Sophia’s dad leads the organization. That means her mother was the crazy half vampire or whatever. XD Also, I don’t know how she can look at you that way either, Derek. 71% -- “Here! Read about my bloody history of killing tons of people!” “Oh, you’re forgiven! Smoochies now!” 73% -- Sigh. Sophia the virgin being besmirched again. Tiresome. Really, really tiresome. 76% -- Wait wait wait… his heart beats? What kind of vampire is this?? 78% -- Yeah, of course Sophia is forgiven by vampire slaves for ditching them on the island. 81% -- Honestly, I can’t even poke fun at the book anymore. It’s just depressing to read. 83% -- Wow, some author did research and realize that people need vitamin D to survive! 84% -- The vampires have a power plant! One mystery solved. It’s not said how it’s powered though… how the electricity is generated. Maybe a big ass human burning furnace? Maybe gerbils? We don’t know. 88% -- “The woman that I love.” Sigh. Big sigh. Double big sigh. 89% -- DEREK’s obsessed with Sophia, Lucas? Pot, meet kettle! 93% -- Yeah, rapekisses too. Awesome. I just love our hero so very much. He’s just a precious gem. 94% -- Oh so what, they had sex and we didn’t even get to see it? I don’t know if I should relieved or insulted. 95% -- Well, you know, I hope he used a condom with all those other girls she keeps thinking about him having sex with. Just because he’s a vampire doesn’t mean he can’t pick up a disease even if it doesn’t affect him. 96% -- We really needed to see him chew up half a sandwich and spit it out again. We REALLY needed to see that, did we, author? Really? 99% -- Hey, guess what? I was right about the mom. Big. Shocker. That was even more painful than the first book. Run. Run away fast.