Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

So you've been quarantined for the better part of 2 months.....with your wife and child....both of which are nagging "Daddy I want a tablet, C'mon honey just buy jr a tablet".....you look at tablet prices and think, 'Wow, thats expensive!" And swig back another gulp of beer....when out of the corner of your eye you see a tablet advertised for $99. 'What is this Zonko?" You think to yourself. You look at the features, hmmm sounds good....you peer back at the price, hmm....you look at your beer, hmmmmm. With your 'CARES' stimulus check, you can get the tablet and another case of beer. Well this is a no brainer, Zonko it is. Happy Jr, Happy wife and happy you with another case of coldies. So the day arrives. Tablet is here. Jr rips through that well oversized box with the zeal of young man dis-robing his date on prom night. 'A tablet', thanks dad. He calls little johnny from next door to show off his new wares. Power on! Hmmm, a bit slow on start up. Eyes dart over to you and reassure, ' its the 1st start up, son. Those things are always slow on 1st start up'. You swig back on your beer and dust the whole can in one mouthful. Jr waits. His friend comments, ' seems slow'. Jr replies, 'Nah, these things are always slow on 1st start up'. Boom! Its ready to set up. Set up goes smoothly. Now its time to load 'Sonic the Hedgehog'. After a good 30 minutes downloading, its time to see Sonic dance across the screen. But what is this, Sonic is moving about 4 frames a minute. What the heck?! You know, even your atari from the 1980's played better than this. You laugh, as if to smooth things over,' That Sonic sure is a funny dude, ha ha ha'. But Jr aint buying it and shoots you glance worse than the one your wife gave you for buying anniversaey flowers from the gas station last month. Your beer isnt tasting so nice. Your wondering what hell just happened. You think, 'it couldnt, it didnt happen'...oh but yes it did. You just got ZONKO-ed. And now your boy thinks his daddy is moron and wife is pissed. Better put that beer down and get you bottom side down to the local outlet and get a decent unit or your sleeping in the garage tonight!