Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I wanted to like this book. For one thing, it came highly recommended by reputable reader-friends (sorry guys, nothing personal). It took me a good 200 pages to even realize that I didn't like it, but as the pages slipped by, so did this book's potential to tell a convincing, complex and emotionally-gripping story. I didn't mind the slow start. Bella Swan's teenage over-reaction that "the world is going to end, or at least suck for a while" when she moves from Phoenix to Forks, WA was a familiar yet believable theme for a young adult book. I forgave her silly name and her paralyzing (literally) clumsiness. For a while. Then Bella discovers the attractive, standoffish, teenage vampire clique. Don't get me wrong, I knew there would be vampires. I had hoped they would bring some intrigue, interesting character interaction, and a few creative supernatural twists to the mix. I was wrong: Edward, the main vampire/love interest must be the most blatant example of author-male fantasy insertion in a story I have ever read--the way his beauty is praised ad-nauseum, as is his ability to out-play/perform/karate/run etc. every mortal/immortal on the planet in any game/sport/musical instrument/hand-to-hand combat/race etc. certainly attests to that. Edward and his (almost) equally Hollywood Hot family are less creatures of the night, and more a blend of Greek god and barbie doll whose baseball games are confused for thunderstorms by us mortals. They are also apparently perpetual high school students, moving to schools every few years to keep anyone from catching on. Is this consistent with Meyer's view of noble "vegetarian" vampires who only want to alleviate the mortal misery of their weak human neighbors? With Dr. Carlisle the one notable exception, I can't quite suspend my disbelief that a hundred years would NOT be enough time to fake your age, get into law school, med school, the foreign service branch of the state department...(or at least use certain inherent skills to become pool boys or tennis instructors). All this was mildly irritating, but what really brought the star-count down for me was that this book had so much potential to challenge my perception of the world, to make me think. I kept reading because I expected there to be a twist...not a "gotcha" moment, but one where the characters grow too big for the box they've been placed in, where they become bold and try to deal with their issues. I wanted to Bella to challenge the emotionally manipulative hold Edward has on her. I wanted Edward to fail at something and discover humility, and even have to rely on Bella for a change. I wanted Bella and Edward to discover that there are consequences for misinterpreting an attraction based scent/beauty for one based on communication, compromise, and time. I kept reading, sure that something complex and meaningful would happen... I hope I don't spoil anything when I say that the characters start off in the shallow end, and end up in the pool parking lot. When the action finally started at around pg 400, all I could think of was what one of the robots on Mystery Science Theater 3000 sarcastically remarked during a B-movie that was being thoroughly panned: "And the reason this part works so well is that we care about the characters!" If a random "bad guy" is suddenly going to appear at the end of a book and try to kill one of the main characters for no apparent reason, I want to at least care about them! Finally, a brief note on the writing itself. I thought some of the mood-setting description was pretty well done, and honestly didn't notice anything truly jarring until after the appearance of Edward. Suddenly, cliches like "a carved statue", "an Adonis", "his angel face" surface at least every page or so, as do numerous purple descriptions of eye color meant to substitute for character depth. Over-dramatic facial expressions abound, especially in the more intimate moments: grimaced, shuddered, gaped, glared. And finally, the awkward dialog tags. Characters "demand", "chuckle", "mutter bleakly", but never "say" anything unless they say it "harshly", "quietly" or "tenderly". The line '"Yes", she agreed' made me laugh out loud. All these "little" things, once I started noticing them, made the character's actions seem even more inconsequential and ridiculous. Bottom line: obviously this isn't literature, but neither is it a thought-provoking or even "fun" frivolous read. There just isn't any substance there to care about, no challenge, just a pretty boy and a "good-smelling" girl who needs to be rescued half a dozen times. Some other reviews have compared this book to fan-fiction, and I think that's a fair assessment. I've written overwrought fan-fiction in my time, complete with the "seagreen eyes" and "nymphlike shoulders" but that doesn't mean everyone's wish-fullfillment fantasy needs to blow into a doorstop of a book. For a more convincing and complex approach to the violence and passion inflicted by one man's uncanny sense of smell, try Patrick Suskind's book Perfume.