Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

So I bought these a while back and I just got around to (meaning “my wife made me”) installing it. Having gone through the process, I thought I would post this review along with some helpful words of advice to those who are considering the purchase of this product for themselves. There is a lot of information and warnings here, so I recommend reading all the way to the end (especially recommendation #3!) before buying or installing your own. Before you begin, I recommend the following preparatory steps: 1) Get the following items: large and small zip ties, glue gun and glue sticks, maybe some super glue, and an Exacto® knife or razor blade. Because unless you have the exact umbrella this light system was designed for, you will need them. 2) Block off three times the amount of time you would think this is going to take to install. Because unless you have the exact umbrella this light system was designed for, you are going to need it. 3) Send the wife and kids out to the mall or movies for that same amount of time. Because unless you have the exact umbrella this light system was designed for, you are going to let loose a periodic string of obscenities you would rather they not hear. #1) Mounting the Solar Charger This light system comes with a solar panel that charges a small battery in its housing. The instructions say to unscrew the cap or your umbrella and replace it with the mounting bracket that comes with the lights. But as you can see (exhibit A) the mounting cap they give you comes with a small “male” threaded attachment while my umbrella also has a (larger) “male” threaded receiver (exhibit B). All jokes aside – this male-to-male coupling just will not work and obscenity #1 will escape under your breath. I tried drilling out the top of the post so the solar charger mount can screw into it, but in the end it just looked ugly (exhibit C) plus it seemed to me that the original umbrella cap was designed to hold the fabric in place; so removing that didn’t bode well for the life of my umbrella. In the end I opted to just hang the solar charger off the side of the existing cap with some zip ties (exhibit D). #2) The Clips The system comes with a bunch of black plastic clips for mounting the LED’s to the ribs of your umbrella. These clips are designed so that they fit over the LED string, with the LED light sticking through a small hole (exhibit E). The problem is that, if you have any kind of decent umbrella (mine: 9’ 8-rib Sunbrella® from Sam’s) the ribs on your umbrella are going to be a fair bit larger than the average chopstick and these clips are not going to fit over them (exhibit F) resulting in obscenity #2. A drop of hot glue on the insides of the clip is in order. Be sure to put the hot glue on the inside sides of the clip and not the back of the LED housing or it may damage the light. You may also be tempted to snap all the clips onto the LED strings before you start. DON’T. Even though you hear a “snap”, they will not stay and they will start falling off as you are affixing the strings to the ribs, resulting in a scattering of clips on the floor and a string of obscenities in the air (exhibit G). If you really want to do this, use a drop of Super Glue ® to hold the clips to the LED’s. #3) But Before you do any of this… Take the solar charger outside and let it charge the battery for about an hour. Then bring it inside and lay out all the lights spread out like they would be on the umbrella. Plug the light strings into the solar charger and push the button to turn them on. Make sure all the LED’s actually work before installing the !@#$ thing on your umbrella or you will let loose a string of obscenities that your wife and kids will hear all the way at the mall you sent them off to! (exhibit H) And you will have to disassemble the whole lot and ship it back to Amazon!