Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Hi, I'm Holden Caulfield, but I come off more like the great lost episode from the last year of Leave it to Beaver. They cancelled my crumby show, even if it was phony, and now I'm forced to write this god*** book about the aftermath because I went from a cute kid to an ugly monster who still bats my eyes. I have to go to school with all these people who never listen to my pesty whining, and I'm sexy even though I'm a virgin, I really am. Of course, I would never admit that to any of those phony, crumby jocks I don't like but still force my company on and all. I get kicked out of school because I'm a rich preppy spoiled brat, and I lose all my money as I hide out in a hotel, chicken out with a hooker, and get beat up by her pimp. Who can blame him? I'm a total loser, I really am. From there, I call up everyone I know to hang around with me because beggars can't be choosers, and everyone gets mad at me because I'm annoying, they really do. I can handle my liquor, I really can (I guess that makes me William Holden Caulfield.), and any girl who doesn't like me is stupid, so I feel sorry for them. Even my little sister can't take anymore, and all I seem to do is hate everyone except little kids and dead people like my brother Wally--er, Allie. Okay, that's enough; you get the drift. This book is so overrated, I just can't appreciate its mass appeal as classic literature. There is no point to it at all, except for this kid to prove what a rich brat he is, whine and smart off to people he doesn't even like although he insists on hanging around with them, and brag constantly about virtues he doesn't have, making him one of the biggest hypocrites and phonies of them all. Repetitive, whiny, and a total waste of time. And where are his parents through the entire thing while he's out getting into trouble? They must be the ones from the Charlie Brown specials--off to the side going "wha-wha-wha-wha-wha." This is my first and last Salinger book.