Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

My name is Luke Skywalker and I'm going to tell you a story. Like, in first person and what not. It's an easy story to follow: I sort of experience a bunch of completely non-sequitur encounters with wholly unrelated characters in random locations. Sometimes it's an Aliens ripoff; sometimes it's a RomCom–there's something for everyone! It doesn't really piece together, so you won't have to bother thinking too much. Also, I'll explain it all to you in super casual, Earth teen lingo so that it feels intimate and relevant and such. Hey, remember that time I destroyed the Death Star, or that time when my Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru got burned. Yep, I'm *that* Luke Skywalker. See, every now and then while telling this story, I'll free associate memories like those from my previous exploits in order to remind you that, despite the fact that I in no way seem to think or act like the Luke Skywalker whose hero's journey and dynamic character development resulted in the courageous destruction of the Empire's ultimate weapon, I AM ACTUALLY *that* Luke Skywalker. Which is kind of weird and stuff. Because, in this story, I seem to have regressed so much emotionally and mentally that it's going to be REALLY HARD for you to believe I'm legit that same guy. In fact, my nearly paralyzing inability to interact with a human woman may be utterly confounding to you. It is to me. It's as if instead of exhibiting signs of some sort of latent teen angst fueled by a potential love interest, I may actually be suffering from brain trauma or mad Bantha disease (see what I did there?) Relationship goals, amirite? Oh, remember that time when I wanted to go into Tosche station to pick up some power converters? I'll actually utter those exact same words in this story completely out of context to make sure you connect the dots. I'll also make non-sensical references to Han and Chewie and have jaw-droppingly benign scenes with Leia just so you and me are on the same page about the whole "I'm *that* Luke" thing. Don't even get me started on "Nerf nuggets" or "Daddy Issues": your eyes can't roll that far back in your head. Literally. Cool? Ok, kewl. Listen, I'm going to see if I can figure out what to do with this new lightsaber I picked up around chapter 3 or 4 which ultimately has no bearing on the story and disappears in one of a number of plotholes. #maytheforcebewithyou