Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Oh, for the good old days when I loved Amazon truly, deeply, faithfully. I've been shopping at Amazon since they first went online. Over the years I've transitioned from only buying books on Amazon to buying everything except fresh produce on Amazon. Prices are always the lowest I can find. Prime free shipping, is great. The Echo shopping list function is fantastic! And on the rare occasions I've needed customer service, Amazon's response has been excellent. I love Amazon for making my life easier. Correction. I DID love Amazon for making my life easier up until 7 days ago, up until Synchrony Bank pushed me over the edge and made me start fantasizing about ordering a dozen drooling, deranged Dobermans on Amazon and having them shipped direct to Jeff Bezos. Here's why. Nine months ago, Amazon sent me an offer for the Amazon Prime Store Card. I accepted the offer and made the card my default payment source on all Amazon purchases. Everything was humming along until last week, when I made a purchase and within minutes received an email telling me my Amazon Prime Store Card had been declined. It took me some time to search through Amazon and learn I had to call Synchrony Bank at 1-866-634-8379, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Since that time, I have called Synchrony Bank at 1-866-634-8379 eight times and spent, overall, 2 hours and 15 minutes trying to get through to someone that can tell my why my Amazon Prime Store Card isn't being accepted. The Synchrony Bank voice mail system is designed to keep you in an endless infinity loop. Should you ever be toying with the idea of suicide and need something to nudge you over the edge, I highly recommend calling this number. Frustration and anger will soon have you putting a gun barrel in your mouth. Each time I called, the voice mail asked me to input my card number, then told me that such an account did not exist. It then requested my social security number and eventually told me such an account did not exist. Each time I would respond by yelling "CUSTOMER SERVICE!", after which voicemail would say, "Before sending you to customer service, please speak or input your card number." I was somehow able to break through the infinity loop and connect with a human being only three times. Each time, the person answering was obviously working in a country where phone service and/or electricity are still relatively new concepts. The first time, a well-spoken woman with a slight Indian accent listened to me briefly before saying, "I'm sorry, Mam. There's so much static on the line I cannot understand you. Can you please call back?" I was calling on a land line, not a cell phone, so the static was not coming from my end. I did call back, and once again got trapped in the infinity loop. After 35 minutes of frustration, I gave up. The next day, I tried again. After 20 minutes of trying to break out of the voicemail infinity loop, I gave up for that day. The next day, I tried again. After 15 minutes, I broke through the voicemail and spoke to a polite man with a slight Indian accent who listened briefly before saying, "Mam? Mam, can you speak up loudly? There is so much static on the line I am having difficulty understanding you." This time I knew better than to try and call back. Instead, I began SHOUTING into the receiver, asking why my card was being declined on Amazon. He said, "Mam, I will transfer you to the department that can help you with that." His statement was followed by a LOUD electronic buzzing interspersed with occasional bursts of clicking, which tricked me into thinking my call might actually be in transition. However, after 21 minutes of buzzing and clicking, the line simply went dead. The next time I called and was able to break through the infinity loop, a nice woman told me---Sing along with me here, kids You know the words.--- "Mam, there is so much static on the line I am having difficulty understanding you." I SCREAMED out, "My card is being denied. Someone on your end was transferring me to someone that could tell me why, but I was disconnected!" She said, "Do you wish to be transferred to Amazon?" Foolishly assuming she meant Amazon in America, a country where they have lovely, reliable phone systems that almost always work, I shouted out joyfully, "Yes! For the love of God, yes! Transfer me to Amazon!" She said, "Let me give you the number so in case you get cut off again, you can place the call yourself. " She gave me the number, then said "I'm transferring your call now." The call instantly disconnected. When I called the number myself, a suspiciously similar voicemail system put me into an infinity loop until I was finally disconnected. Perhaps, sensing the rising level of my blood pressure, disconnecting me was an act of compassion on their part. Somehow, I suspect not. Amazon, days back I only wanted to find out why my card was being declined. I no longer care. All I want now is to have that Prime Store Card cancelled so I can be 100% sure I will never again have to call Synchrony Bank at 1-866-634-8379. I'm serious about this. If I ever have to call Synchrony Bank again, I can't be responsible for my own actions. Whatever I do will be on your head alone. I loved you. I was loyal to you. And this is how you treat me? You'd better fix this, Amazon. Fix it now while we might still be able to salvage some sort of relationship. I'll never trust you as completely as I once did. But I might be able to visit you occasionally, just as a friend, maybe pick up a book or an Old Man Peel and Stick Wall Decal once in a while. Whatever future we might have is in your hands, Amazon. Choose wisely.