Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I write this review from my toilet, where I have been sitting for the last 45 minutes. Sure, the candies are ok, the flavor is ok, they have a nice light chew, the packaging is awful, not good value for the money, but I am begging the gods now to make the liquid pouring out of my rear end stop. It's a never ending flow, it's an unmanned fire hose, it's a broken fire hydrant, it's a burst water pipe... WHY IS IT JUST WATER? I'm diabetic and fell for the "sugar free" trap. Sweet baby Jesus in a bumper car, I'm afraid I'm going to turn into a raisin before I can get off this porcelain prison. Please make it stop.