Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I don't want to say that these are total junk, because at least one of them works and my girlfriend is able to kinda hobble around our apartment like a little drunk pirate, buuut they aren't very good. One of the crutches came in good and still works fine for the little drunken sailor clunkin her way around the kitchen as I type this, but the other was bad. Wing nut cranked on so hard that I had to use a wrench and a good bit of my dark wizard powers to get that mother to budge. Then noticed that the whole screw it was attached to was turning as well and the cheap folks down there at the crutches house, or wherever this abomination of modern medical engineering came from didn't even have the common courtesy to cut a screw driver slot into the flat end of the screw so that yours truly and Little Red the now angry hobblin pirate can't even work together to get this diabolical devil apart. At this point, the aluminum put into making this sham of the engineering world could have been better used constructing one of those ball chain necklaces from the 90's, or beer cans. Not even good beer cans, but like....Hams, or Beer 30, or something along the lines of hobo back alley drinking in the rain kind of jazz. Then I took the wretched thing to my dad's house to get a dremmel tool on the screw end and cut a slot for the driver. It worked and we were all happy. The once hobblin pirate was now smooth sailing. Beeboppin around the apartment and whizzing in and out of every room like a little red phantom. She was here, she was there, she was all over the place. I even caught her in the living room doing the "time warp" to my Sigue Sigue Sputnik record. Ah, but the waters were not smooth for long though. Soon the clouds came back and seas turned dark. As the lighting flashed across the sky, you could hear the voice of. Red the hobblin pirate carry across the cold wind..."the screw is stripped". You can't blame the poor little thang for being upset either. She tasted the sweet taste of freedom and mobility. Heck, I was even going to tape whistles to her crutches so I could hear her coming..but no. This failure of a glorified stick has let her little heart down yet again. Now as I'm typing this, she's clunkin. She's cussin and I'm pretty sure I just heard a muffin get thrown into my Ninja Turtles display shelf. I'll take care of it hun. I'm going to finish this review and then head off to Lowe's to fix this thing.