Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

"Welcome to this meeting of Over-reader's Anonymous. Sir, please come on up." "Hello. My name is Bob." "Hi, Bob!" "I was clean and read only entertaining, well-written, well-edited books until 3 nights ago. "I have fallen off the wagon." "Aw." "It's okay, man, happens to all of us." "Just let it out, Bob." "Well, I just finished Ringo's March Upcountry series and was jonesing for another fix. I had some crack on my Kindle and I picked up 'Scrapyard Ship'." "Oh, No!" "Oh, yes. The protagonist is a disgraced Navy Lieutenant Commander - he was a ship captain who was somehow in a village in Afghanistan when he killed some villagers who were about to kill his buddies on his SEAL team and ended up in House Arrest at his grandfather's Scrapyard in San Bernardino... "He discovers that there's a spaceship hidden underground, there's aliens on the way to Earth to enslave and eat the humans, and he is the planet's only hope!" "So, it's a Marty Stu story?" "Yes, but in reality, the *ship* is the Marty Stu. I has impenetrable shields, weapons that refill themselves from a 'phase-shifted' parallel reality, automatic doctor machines that can bring someone back from the dead (within 5.1 minutes), a 'zoo' deck with portals to alien planets *specifically* to bring exotic animals onboard for the relaxation of the crew, a mysterious Deck 4b housing the miraculous phase-shift fabrication technology which somehow no-one knew about until 3 weeks ago, a surly AI, a half-robot ET who appears to be the long lost emperor of the aliens (who lost his memory - but can directly interface with all ships components to out-invent Spock, Scotty, Checkov and MacGuyver combined, ... oh and portal technology to support all of the above, teleport the ship through solid rock or metal --- but which is limited to a range of 3 miles." "So, is it military fiction?" "Only if it's milSF as seen through the eyes of the Huffington Post. As mentioned, The 'Lieutenant' (as addressed by crew) was a ship captain, a SEAL and apparently a fighter pilot. He thinks the crew is incredibly lacking in military discipline and decorum, but he's buddy-buddy with his old SEAL Team ... sergeant. His father-the-Admiral disappeared 15 years ago, but he keeps running into *young* Navy officers who served with his father. Dad was actually leading the United Planetary Alliance, which was *just* defeated (yesterday) and he left his miracle ship behind so that the enemy wouldn't get their hands on it. Our LCDR takes over the ship and through the wonders of nanotechnology instantly acquires all knowledge of how to operate the ship. The weapons officer is called 'Gunny' not a name or rank - an actual ship's position - not 'Gunnery Sergeant,' but 'the ship's Gunny.' Gunny works in a part of the ship known as the 'Gunnery,' "The ship's doctor is a purple-skinned humanoid - very humanoid - LCDR-now-CAPT Hotstuff has the hots for Doc (and the SEAL NCO has the hots for Gunny) even though CAPT's 8 y.o. daughter and ex-wife are aboard (and the ex is regretting being an ex - CAPT Mary Sue had to rescue her from the 'cannabilistic' ETs). "ADM Dad has sent a message after 15 years of everyone thinking he was dead 'hoping' that Sonny has found the ship (thank Ghu for that House Arrest!) and requesting backup, but CAPT Prodigal Son stops to rescue wife, recruit a Naval Aviator Admiral, the Joint Chiefs and the SecDef into 'His' Alliance. Alas, ADM Dad is defeated, captured, and next to be eaten when CAPT Sonny-boy rescues him in a two-seater space fighter - and then promptly gives up his *own* seat to rescue an un-named purple skinned boy-child who is never seen again. "The initial wave of aliens is defeated, then they manage to kill *exactly 250 of the 500-ship armada attacking Earth by defeating the command ship and killing the current 'Emperor' ET, but by failing to kill the High Priests, the ETs retake the ship after the good guys leave (and ADM Daddy is reunited with son, grand-daughter and ex). In the end, they *barely* defeat the ETs before discovering that a much bigger fleet is coming led by... Long-lost brother believed killed 10 years ago in Afghanistan who fell for another humanoid alien whose race came to an accommodation with the (again) 'cannibalistic' ETs and is now leading the anti-alliance. "...and to make it worse, the book doesn't end - just says wait for the next one. "Folks, I really took one for the team. I read the dreck so that you don't have to. "I think I need to read some Baen, now."