Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

You're probably asking yourself if paying $2K for sneakers that look like a unicorn barfed on them is really the best possible way to use your hard-earned cash. The answer is "no." I figured, heck, if a unicorn barfed on my sneakers, I'd probably have some special magical powers, and I'd be able to ski on rainbows or something. But no. They're just shoes. I checked my own mortality by stabbing my belly with a butter knife and all it earned me was a trip to the ER. Where does Nike get off selling shoes that don't convey magical powers or immortality on the purchaser if I'm spending 2 large? Now I've got a pair of blood-stained shoes that I can't return (should really have taken them off before attempting the butter knife trick) and a major bandage on my belly and I'm still just a friendless loser who can't ski on rainbows. What a rip.