Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

If you find yourself scrolling through trying to find a concise review, please look elsewhere. I need to paint a picture for dads who care for their personal sanity. My weekend both began and ended when an Amazon delivery arrived to my doorstep. I opened it to find a vacuum sealed package of 55,000 colorful round spheres. I know--everyone makes this disclaimer "I'm not the type of person who ever says they have a vision!" But I'm not, and I had a vision of these little things covering every square inch of our home, sticking to my feet and avoiding the vacuum roller. I had to make a choice. A: I could hide them or throw them out. B: I could pray that each tiny ball would turn into a gnats egg which would forever infest the crotch of the person sending them (at this point both A and B were an option). C: I could let my daughter have some fun. I chose C. I chose C for the last time. It wasn't long before these things soaked up some water and turned into gelatin balls as advertised. It wasn't much longer that they were getting tossed around the garage, stuck inside diapers, between toes, and migrating into the nooks and crannies of my once blessed home. Try to sweep them when they're wet; they'll grip the floor as if they had talons like an eagle. Try to sweep them when they're dry; do it gently and they ignore you, banding together and cackling like hyenas. Give it a tad more force and they're off to the races, competing to reach their next destination. Will I ever clean them all? No. Will I be reminded of them every time I walk barefoot around the house? Yes, they coat the bottom of my foot to taunt me. I would purchase these again if I had the address of the man who cut me off on the road, or a telemarketer, a porch pirate or anyone who deserves torture at a multiple of approximately 55k.