Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

That's right. This book is worthless. Why? Because while Josh Harris does a keen job of listing everything WRONG that can happen with dating, he offers NO ALTERNATIVE. Courtship? If courtship is the "Christian" solution to dating, then why not spend more than a smidgen of the book talking about it? This book is about 95% dating-bashing negativity, with only about 5% of anything positive to offer. We're left with the word "courtship," and no real description of how it works or how to go about using it in practice. In other words, this book has almost nothing to do with Real Life. I read this book as a young man who was struggling with dating, feeling awkward, having trouble meeting the right person, etc. When I read it, it seemed really powerful to me at the time. "Wow, this guy really knows what he's talking about!" But now looking back as a married man, I realize how ridiculous the whole book is. My wife and I met AT CHURCH. The first time we spent some quality time with each other it was actually at a restaurant ON A DATE (gasp!). We were nervous, as all people on dates are. But looking back, did just fine. We now have a loving marriage together. We didn't COURT (whatever the heck-fire that means). We didn't have a bunch of heartache and pain. And we sure didn't tell each other "I am still deciding whether or not I love you, because true love is a decision, not a feeling. I've just spent a month locked away in prayer, and God still has not shown me that you are definitely THE ONE yet. Sorry." This book is pure trash and pure waste. It is the kind of book that Fundamentalist Christians can get all in an uproar about how great it is. Well, I'm not following the lemmings. This book is a train wreck. It condemns the world while offering nothing better, separating the camps into an "us" and "them" mentality typical of fundamentalists. In this case, the "us" being enlightened Christians who know the truth about dating, and "them" being everyone else. How arrogant. This book offers a horrible way to think about relating to the opposite sex. (No privacy whatsoever? See them only in a church group? What the...?) And worse, it does totally destroy any notion of romance. Love is taken out of the realm of physical attraction and emphasized only in terms of serving others and God. Well to a Christian, God-honoring love is certainly important, but can't we even dare to admit that sexual love is important as well? Can love only be expressed in one form and one form only? Or is sex nothing more than physical attraction? This book presents a false dichotomy. It presents the absurd notion that "falling in love" is somehow wrong and that the only "Godly" way to love is agape love, through a head-decision, not through feelings. Controlling feelings is important of course, but is this type of philosophy realistic? Does it even make any sense whatsoever? We are human beings, not robots. Apparently we are supposed to be logical like Mr. Spock. "I will not fall in love until I make the decision to." Ridiculous. Imagine not opening up your heart to someone else of the opposite sex. Never having privacy because you are trying to "court" and follow a bunch of stupid "NO DATING" rules. Imagine never really getting close to them, only seeing them in groups or writing them letters, and then marrying them! Is that crazy or what? Talk about a relationship pretty much doomed to failure. Can't you at least get to be close friends with somebody privately for a while before you decide to tie the knot? Hello! The rest of the world calls that DATING. The ridiculousness of this book is not surprising considering that this was all written by a guy who WAS NOT MARRIED at the time! I ask you, does it make any sense whatsoever to take relationship advice from somebody who is single? I think not. All this book does is put confused and awkward-feeling Christian teens and young adults in a defeatest position - I'd better not try to date because it can lead to a lot of bad things and I want to "remain pure". Well, dating can lead to a lot of GOOD THINGS too, like getting married and having a family! Ever think of that, Sherlock? But hey, forget the voice of reason! Dating is EVIL, remember? Parents especially will like this book. In a world with so much sexual promiscuity and kids dating so young, this book is a godsend for parents who just want to ban their kids from dating altogether and be done with it. It's much easier to just give this book to your kids and say "NO DATING" than to actually talk to your kids and try to deal with the difficult issues. I say that if we all think this book is so great, then why don't we just go back to arranged marriages while we're at it? It sure was easier back then. People didn't get divorced back in those days. Of course, women were treated as little more than property, but we shouldn't let that little fact stand in our way should we? That's right. If dating is so bad, then why turn back the clock just a little bit? Let's turn it back all the way! No. The truth is that dating has many benefits. The least of which is self-confidence. A lot of Christian young men and women choose the "I don't date" path not because they truly believe this purity and holiness B.S., but because they are simply scared. There's only one way to get over your fear and that is to face it. Not hide it away in silly self-righteous religiousness. (And yes, love IS a feeling. There. I said it. Curse me if you will.) I have often thought to myself why Josh Harris wrote this book. What is his problem exactly? Was he rejected too many times? It starts off sounding like a book written by a Christian who is extremely frustrated, and it never gets any better. Well if you feel frustrated with dating and you want to read something written by someone who feels the same way you do, then by all means, read it. But don't expect any solutions to the problem. If you would like to read something that will offer you something positive to help you to actually feel BETTER, you'll have to look elsewhere. I also dislike the fact that this book seems to encourage what I call "Christian Relationship Magical Thinking". That's where you keep thinking that God has only one person for you. That after enough years of prayer and waiting, that you will suddenly see him/her and will be struck by a bolt of lightning or something that will signal to you, "OHMYGOSH! SHE'S THE ONE!" Unfortunately, real life does not work this way. In reality, Christians just have to learn how to make relationship decisions on their own just like everyone else.