Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I'm absolutely baffled by the glowing reviews this title is receiving. Or, to reiterate in the tone and stylings of The Night Circus, "I opened the book with a sense of wonder and curiosity, like a fawn sniffing the sweet and harmonious scent of nutmeg and honey on a crisp, late-winter morn. Just like in my dreams, I had imagined my experience to be that of a caged canary, chirping into the night, only to be released from its entrapment into the tranquil darkness by its captor. But lo, it dawned on me: the elaborate and gaudy descriptions of the intricate imagery wore on me like an old romance from my youth, built on childish visions of affection that slowly drift from your fingers as the acerbic stench of reality masks the optimistically comforting illusions of our past." This is what a 17 year old with a thesaurus considers "good writing." To everyone else, it's tedious and frustrating. Life is too short to read pages describing the morphing carvings on a magic clock.