Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I have been trying for over a week now to reach the manufacturer of this supposedly awesome -- but actually defective (gas lift) -- office chair. Since they're in China, I couldn't call them. So I am now turning to the only one who CAN help me. Here goes: "Dear God in heaven hear my prayer!!! I don't know what else I can do to find relief from the company which manufactured this chair (Sihoo). I spent $280 on this; I deserve a working chair. I emailed them, FB messaged them and Amazon messaged them. So far, nothing. Nada. Zip. So here I sit, in sack cloth and ashes, begging you to release me from this plague of defective chair sitting sessions that afflicts me so terribly. Oh Lord, I'm so tired...So tired!! Make them send me a replacement chair, as they have done for others. The people at Sihoo keep promoting their defective chair and I detest it, Lord. I loathe it. Please Lord... Please just make it stop. Make the bad men at Sihoo respond to my plea for a replacement product. Lord, I can't call them. They're in China. And I don't speak Chinese. I don't write Chinese. Please God, I beg of you. Intervene like you did with the Pharaoh who looked like Yul Brenner and catch his attention. Put an end to all this neglect. For the love of all that is holy, make it stop now, Lord. I tried to reach them. You know I did, Lord, but they continue to completely ignore my repeated pleas for help. They say to the world that they'll send out a replacement product. But it's a lie!!!! Lord, the bad men at Sihoo... They lied!!! You know I'm not making this up. You know my heart, Lord!! So God, if I've ever done anything -- ANYTHING -- that merits a good favor from heaven, I'm gonna cash that in right now, Lord. I'm so sorry for whatever I did or did not do that I was supposed to do that brought these metaphorical skin lesions and boils of affliction upon me, Lord. I repent!! It's enough, Lord, I repent!! I'm so sorry Oh Lord Almighty, I beseech you to part the Red Sea again right now. Perform an almighty miracle of making the bad men at Sihoo stop neglecting me, and have them send me a replacement chair (like they have done for others) soon, preferably before you burn the earth at your coming. Thank you!! Thank you so much."