Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

So let me set the story here...I was set to board an Amtrak train to New York City from Philadelphia for a business excursion. I had recently been gifted a wonderful 5 lb bag of Sugar Free Haribo Gummi Bears from an aunt and figured to myself....what a wonderful snack to take along to keep me full on the train until I hit the city. I packed a zip lock bag full and began snacking on the taxi ride to the train station. Those little sugar free bears were very tasty going down, they definitely hit the spot. I boarded the train and found a seat next to a woman dressed in business attire. She was also going to NYC for a meeting and we struck up small talk about our fields of expertise. I must say she truly was a wonderful acquaintance on the trip and who's to say I eventually wouldn't be able to work myself up to the task of asking her to grab dinner later that night! We continued to talk about everything and anything, really hitting it off. That is until about 25 minutes into our journey when I felt a small rumble roll across my stomach. It was nothing too painful, but definitely felt like the start of what could be considered a very uncomfortable experience. My stomach then continued to rumble and gurgle like a dying whale calling out to it's mother. I began to sweat heavily and my new traveling companion asked me if I was feeling okay because I started to turn pale. I tried to play it off best I could and excused myself. I went to the front of the car where the bathroom was and immediately I could feel the gummi bears taking their revenge...trying to escape out of me with the vengeance of a 1000 roman chariots coming out of my anus. The seat was disgusting with all the urine and such so I figured a quick squat would do the trick. Before I could even assume the position the GATES OF HELL were opened and I violently sprayed the souls of dozens of sugarless gummi bears all over the toilet. It just kept coming, over and over like some sick version of the movie Groundhog Day (also available on Amazon). I was horrified because it had covered every inch of the train toilet. I cleaned myself up and did the best I could to clean up the mess, but it was so bad. The odor itself reminded me roadkill that had been left to muster in the hot sun. I figured I had spent about 30 minutes in the bathroom and was embarrassed so I would tell my fellow traveler that I had been on a business call. As soon as I returned to my seat, the growling of my stomach again roared like the mighty Aslan. By this point my new friend was seemingly grossed out and wanted nothing to do with me. Well good thing, because repeat, repeat, repeat. I once again hit the bathroom and by the time I had exercised all those gummi demons from me the first four rows of seats by the bathroom were now vacant. My anus was raw now from all the wiping. I'm pretty sure I had feces on my pants. I disembarked the train at Penn Station and went to my business meeting...reeking of poopoo and hand dispenser soap I used from the train to clean up. The meeting consisted of me sitting in a chair while others continuously made the comment, "Does anyone smell that" or "Is there something dead in the vents." Anyhow, I lost my job and the woman from the train would not answer my calls. Case in point...if you buy these gummi bears, be prepared for the worst. I suggest if you absolutely have to try them then take about a week of vacation, go to Sam's club and buy a 90 pack case of toilet paper and install a television in your bathroom. Good luck.